Script: Baywatch: Terror on Sandy Beach!

SCENE 3

The same place, about 40 feet away, and shot at a different angle. The boy from the last scene is walking across the beach, thinking to himself

Boy: I wonder where my father is. He left when I was only 1 and as a result I have had no guidance through my life, especially since my mother smokes crack and worships Satan. These strong issues are a problem that plagues not only me, but society in general, and I believe that if these concerns aren't faced soon, perhaps through a show involving various anorexic women playing with beach balls, our society will collapse.

(Suddenly World War II fighter jet falls on the boy. It explodes in a huge ball of flame. 10 seconds after it blows up, 2 guys jump out of the cockpit, unharmed, but pretty dirty and with ragged clothes. They walk away from the wreck, but when the tide comes in, the 3 inch high wave drags them into the sea)

Pilot #1: (Thrashing in the four feet of water) Help! I am a Japanese Pilot who grew up with an American family, and as a result I can speak perfect English!

Pilot #2: (In Japanese) I can't! (SUBTITLED: "I can't!")

(ISPA sweeps into the scene with a hanglider.)

ISPA: Quick! Hang on to my large breasts!

Pilots (in unison): OKAY!!! (They grab a fistful of implant and are whisked to safety)

ISPA: Whew! That was a close one! You know, Pilot #1, you remind me of a brother I once had, that my family adopted. He was Japanese too, and disappeared one day when our family went to the zoo.

Pilot #1: You mean the Charleston City Zoo?

ISPA: YES! How did you know...?

Pilot #1: I am your long lost brother!

ISPA: (Weeps) Oh!!! (They embrace)

(Suddenly a man in filthy rags comes walking out of the bushes in the background)

Man: ISPA? ISPA, is that you?

ISPA: Who are you?

Man: I am your long lost father, Biff! Every since that tragic day when you thought you lost me in aisle 5 of that FoodMax, I've been searching for you! I've been through hell and back, but my eternal love for you has kept me going through thick and thin!

ISPA: Oh dad! (She runs over and hugs him)

(Suddenly a hand pokes out from the sand, and a woman crawls from underneath the beach. She seems quite disoriented)

Woman: Where am I?

ISPA: MOM! I thought you died in that horrible blimp accident back in 1968!

Woman: (Frowning) Me too...

(Man, Woman, ISPA, and Pilot #1 all get together and hug)

ISPA: This is the happiest day of my life!

Pilot #2: (Pulls out hand grenade) GWAAHA AHL ROOOAWR! (Throws grenade at them. SUBTITLED: "Long live Japan!")

ISPA: Oh no! (Jumps onto grenade, smothering it with her incredibly large breasts. Grenade goes off with a muffled explosion, forcing an implant to slide up, around her shoulder area)

Man: Oh no! She's DEAD! (Camera pans down to ISPA, who is visibly breathing)

Woman: She gave her life to save her family!

Pilot #1: How very noble!

Man: She's DEAD!

(Suddenly a dirty horse comes trotting into the scene from the left)

Woman: Walker? Is that you? I thought we lost you in 1942!!!

Horse: (Shakes his head. Family runs over and hugs horse.)