The English Gentleman, Defeated

EMROD: You are English?

Yoke: Right you are, luv. I'm an English gentleman.

EMROD: I really want to meet you England. Do you want to meet me?

Yoke: Whoa whow whoa slow down there! I don't know anything about you other than you can sure fill out a pair of acid washed capri jeans.

EMROD: I will answer question then.

Yoke: What time is it there in Russia?

EMROD: after eight

Yoke: okay lady I am bloody ready as hell to meet you

EMROD: I can handle the travel arranging

Yoke: That would be amazing. I'm so busy we just got another order from the Queen for 1,000 sacks of gravel for her army. With that many gravelsacks England will be unstoppable. Don't you want to get with a winner?

EMROD: o ha ha! Okay I need your CC#

Yoke: I feel like maybe we should plan out this trip a little more. I mean meeting you is going to be a major life event. I don't just want to push you down into the gravel pit and choke you like with all the other missing brides.

EMROD: That's a good idea! I like movies and dancing.

Yoke: Do you like choking?

EMROD: ha ha no! do you know how to dance?

Yoke: I don't know how to not dance.

EMROD: maybe u can learn ill teach you :D

Yoke: Sounds good. I'll teach you about the rock breaker we use at the gravel plant. Shreds 200 stone of solid granite in minutes. You should see what it does to 8 and a half stone of solid bride.

EMROD: sounds impresive

Yoke: it sounds like the devil's growl

EMROD: okay ill need your cc# to start booking my flights

Yoke: I want to chew off your fingers and toes while you're still alive

Yoke: I will use you as my toilet

Yoke: Is there any upper limit to how many brides I can order at one time?

EMROD: no I need your cc# though

Yoke: Could I subscribe to the brides? Maybe one every three months as I need them or double if I am really going through them in a hurry.

EMROD: need your cc# to supcribe

Yoke: Do you think your skeleton will dissolve in acid?

EMROD: dunno

EMROD: do you have a cc# you can give me? visa or mastercard

Yoke: Really? You're still with me on this one?

Yoke: I want to MURDER AND EAT YOU and MELT YOUR BONES

EMROD: cc# please thank you

Yoke: I am beaten

Yoke: O, I die, Horatio

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)