stevie - hello?

stevie - HELLO?

Lowtax - Whoops, sorry pardner, must've passed out for a sec there! Man, I sure feel like a jackhole!

stevie - why do you call him Spermy Joe?

Lowtax - What?

stevie - huh?

Lowtax - Who?

stevie - why?

Lowtax - Huh?


Lowtax - Oh, he got the name when he was in the Tri-State Metro "Ranch House Swing Barnacle" competition against last year's winner, Cliffy B. I swear to GOD, that man cheats! He spread some kind of shit all over Spermy Joe's saddle, and when Spermy Joe went to put it on the clown's back, he couldn't stay on, so he fell off into the pit of tar. I don't think I need to tell ya he lost. We had to buy new hypodermic needles too, cause the clown got em all broken off in his eye.

stevie - how much money do you get for winning?

Lowtax - It depends. There's four competitions per event. You got the "Smash and Go", "Steer Hurdles", "Mechanical Spider Rope Up", and the swimsuit competition. You can win up to $150,000 per event! Even more if it's on ESPN 11.

stevie - is there a website for it?

Lowtax - Yeah, try, they've even got a few pics of me pushing a cow into a fat man!

stevie - I can't get to that page.

Lowtax - Shee-oot, must be down. We got a few twisters in the area, maybe they knocked down the ASOPHIFEO)IHOP(HUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

stevie - what?

stevie - hello?

stevie - HELLO???

Lowtax - What?

stevie - huh?

Lowtax - Yeah?

stevie - What?

Lowtax - Huh?

stevie - will you tell me when the sites up? I want to read more about it.

Lowtax - Sure pardner! Want me to send you a picture of me in the "Iron Fetus" competition?

stevie - okay!

(file sent - rodeo.jpg)

Lowtax - See, it ain't easy competing in "Iron Fetus"! They got horses and cars and baby cows tryin' to wrassle ya!

stevie - why?

Lowtax - Cause you're supposed to get out of the rodeo ring without fallin' down! You fall down, you're disqualified!

stevie - sounds hard.

Lowtax - It is! That's how I lost my hip bone!

stevie - oh. well, can you message me when the site's online? I like football, and watching football, and this sounds cool to look at.

Lowtax - Can do, pardner!

stevie - thanks

Lowtax - I'll send you the link of me and Spermy Joe shoveling feces into the clown's mouth!

stevie - WHAT???


– Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka (@TwitterHasBannedAllMyAccountsEver)

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