Awful Movie Madness: Japan

Looking for Cherry Blossoms

Soaring in at a lofty 1.9 stars, Looking for Cherry Blossoms is more than just one of the worst movies currently available on Netflix instant. Ok, we're lying, it isn't. It is probably the thing least resembling an actual movie on this week's list, however. Trying to make it the whole way through this thing could probably be an MXC event, but that would be too cruel even by Japanese gameshow standards. If watching 2 idiots get chauffeured around by a batshit insane taxi driver for a solid hour doesn't sound enticing to you, maybe you'd prefer a nice trip to a place we like to call "Cherry Blossom Hell":

Don't get too comfortable though, because that's the only time you'll ever get to see it, and also it's the only thing that happens in the entire movie. The other 57 minutes or so is basically this:

If you're still brainless enough to keep watching, you'll realize by the end that this movie isn't unrated just because it's some obscure dogshit nobody would ever watch (it is, of course), but because there's also a generous slice of Surprise Full-Frontal Male Nudity (SFFMN) in the form of a spontaneous shrieking outdoor thong fight in the rain, which fight is also essentially the end of the movie (how's that for a mixed blessing?). Here comes the beat, ha-ha!

Highlights:

• Extended intense staring with repeated handheld zoom, ready and waiting for you to edit in video clips of animals and become an overnight YouTube sensation (we totally could have done this if we wanted to, we just didn't feel like it)
• Cherry Blossom Hell (Suupa Sakura no Herru!~Fighting Driver Star!?)
• Supports local taxi industry by filming 90% of the entire movie in a running taxi

You Should Watch This Movie If:

• You have a recurring nightmare where you're sucked into a bleak hellscape of impressionist CGI art, and for some reason you just can't get enough of it
• You've always dreamed of seeing an art film made by someone who has no idea what the words "art" or "film" mean (or a standup comedy act by a comedian who doesn't know what jokes are, which it turns out is the same thing)
• You'd like to experience the movie equivalent of freebasing Ken Kesey's ashes with the worst taxi driver in Japan (and let's face it, probably anywhere)