Hey, Corporations! Get your Covid19 and BLM Ads out of the Cool Zone!

Sorry, Starbucks, I'm not going to let you get away with that. You don't get to put on your swimsuit and walk to the beach, you don't get to dip your toes into the waters of society to see if it's cooled off enough for you to dive fully into preventing employees from speaking out against racism. And, when the shark of pissed off black-supporting consumerism bites your toe off, you certainly don't get to walk away shouting, "I was on the shark's side all along, check out this shirt I made!"

(Also, "suggesting they instead wear a t-shirt reading 'keep it brewing' over an illustration of an Africa-branded coffee cup," which I can't even understand the point of enough to make fun of it.)

This "we are against protesting racial injustice... no, wait, now we're for it. And also we never were against it!" isn't the only scummy thing corporations are trying. They are working around the clock to try and take the movement for awareness of systemic injustice and decide that black people being executed in the streets is a GREAT time to slide in a few greasy "opportunities."

If you're unable to donate? Unable to donate? They have 1500 Sephora rewards points which, by the way, cost them $1500 in purchases from a chain of luxury French beauty stores (Luxury French beauty stores who will, if you look really closely at the fine print, steal the tax write-off of your donation.)

Sephora points holders: If you suddenly find yourself "unable" to donate, maybe look at your shopping cart and take out the $36 bottle of "DRUNK ELEPHANT D-Bronzi" Anti-Pollution Sunshine Drops" and the $45 can of "SOL DE JANEIRO Brazilian Bum Bum Cream," take that $81 and donate it to this person, Lucie Flynn. While Ms. Flynn was peacefully protesting in Oakland, a driver intentionally ran her over, breaking all of her ribs and incurring tens of thousands in medical bills beyond what insurance will pay.

But the worst, the absolute garbage-tier co-opting of BLM and Covid 19, the thing that makes me gag like I'm licking the bottom of a bus station garbage can, is the big banks trying to act like they are on the side of anything remotely resembling humans.

Many local bank chains and credit unions have actually done a great job working with customers for loan relief. But the big chains have been trying to get media exposure to portray the absolutely unbelievable farce that they give any more of a care about their customers than a python gives a care about the thing that is now making a goat-shaped bulge in its midsection.

Bank of America, whose shady financial practices were a big part of crashing the 2008 economy and were the subject of a Rolling Stone article entitled, "too Crooked to Fail," has decided to get in on the party. Yes, the same Bank of America executives who claimed $5.4 billions in losses to get a $1 billion tax refund in the same exact year they received $35 billion in bonuses have decided they are in the same corner as George Floyd, a guy who got executed over 20 measly dollars.

Their latest commercial is yet another saccharine attempt to lift up the spirits of a society who, by and large, doesn't seem quite ready to feel all happy and groovy.

Yes, our hearts are cracked. But the notion that a global banking institution has a heart after they spend two decades fracturing society and the economy, perhaps irreparably, is the world's cruelest joke.

Speaking of which, Bank of America, now that you finally have my attention, will you address this spine-fracturing blow you've dealt to America?