Eaten Alive by a Parakeet
"For this one, we searched out one of the most vicious parakeets, the budgerigar, a voracious predator capable of eating a beetle in seconds. They love mirrors and cuttlefish bones. Today, we're going to find out if they love human seedbells."
Risolie grunting inside his seed bell armor for minutes while parakeets swarm all over him pecking at the seeds pasted onto his arms and legs. He calls a stop to filming when they discover his armor's weak spot and begin to "tear his armor to pieces."
Fluttering wings and macro shots of chewed seeds landing on the newspapers spread all over the floor of the giant parakeet cage.
Eaten Alive by a Lobster
Risolie enters an all-white room with a lobster that has not been fed in days. He is dressed in an armored fish suit.
Dramatic camera cuts back and forth between the lobster and Risolie as he rolls around on the floor towards the lobster. Close ups on the lobster's eyes and mouth with crunching sounds added, followed by a shot of the lobster placed on top of Risolie.
"Lobsters are voracious predators that appear on the menu of restaurants around the world, but today, I'm on the menu of this restaurant for lobsters. Main course, mate."
Risolie calls for help and claims the lobster is burrowing into his chest. He feels lucky to have made it out alive.
Eaten Alive by Olaf from Frozen
At some point, Risolie's last shred of credibility as a naturalist will be exhausted and he'll get to do tie-ins with successful movies where he is swallowed by fictional characters.
Eaten Alive by Olaf, How to Get Swallowed By Your Dragon, what it's like to be on the menu for Paul Reiser's character from Aliens, etc. Special Effects wizards from Weta will show Risolie just what it's like to be swallowed by a Hobbit. If he dares.
(He doesn't dare.)
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
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