Another Saturday, another episode of everybody's favorite...
E/N Spotlight!!!
...Showcasing the most exciting and thrilling events which take place in the e/n community! Note to all those unfamiliar with the e/n scene: the term "e/n" stands for "everything/nothing", and encompasses a wide range of sites that, from what I can tell, must adhere to the following rules:
1) News must be updated at least 50 times per hour,
2) News must NEVER contain anything even remotely interesting to anybody but the webmaster and his two friends,
3) There must be a rant between each news item about how the webmaster hates racism or stereotypes or preppy kids or whatever,
4) Homepage must take 500 minutes to load thanks to all their neat little pictures and "wacky" photos of dead animals,
5) Under no circumstances should any real content be presented except for ripped movies or mp3s.
With that out of the way, let's peer into the e/n scene for this week!
Solosier.com - Solosier makes a desperate cry for help!
i need a font - someone want to email me "Avant Guard" (sp?)
For the love of God, somebody send him "Avant Guard" before he starts updating his news posts with, "nobody sent me Avant Guard so I had to use Impact." Do it for the children! You know, so the children don't have to read more updates about fonts!
RATING: 
- Two damaged brains.
A Herd of Turtles - I'll let the news post speak for itself.
This town AAAAAaaaaa is looking like a ghost town AAAAAaaaaa
Such quality and unadulterated hilarity! What else could one expect from a site on The Mark Side, a "network" which hosts only the best of the best! Speaking of The Mark Side, let's check out the latest news on everybody's favorite e/n site!
RATING: 
- Three and a half damaged brains.
The Markside - A special gift is in store for all of Mark Side's readers, as we're treated to a magical glimpse into news updater Idle's life.
My family just moved to Alabang Hills. The house is pretty small, but It's not like I live there anyway (I dorm at my school).They don't have internet up in my new house yet so I'm updating from J.'s computer. Two guys got busted in the dorm for smoking. I think our dorm master is trying to set a point because he's punishing them pretty severely. J. puked in my car last Friday. I'm mad at my friend, Anton. I got sent to the principals office four times this week for minor reasons; tardies, skipping and erm... I guess you could call it fighting. When I went today he said, "I'm seeing you too many times, this isn't good." I'm failing Chemistry (29%) and Math (58%) and the quarter officially ended today, so I guess my parents are gonna get pretty pissed when they see my report card. I've been embarassed, ecstatic, and fucking pissed since the last time I've updated. It's been pretty fucked up. My weekends have been great though. I been having some cool nights out with more punani than you can shake a stick at.
I can't wait for the movie based off "The Mark Side." I hear it's going to be called, "Dear Lord, Where the Hell Have All My Brain Cells Gone?!?"
RATING: - Three damaged brains.
Caken.com - I hate to say it, but this is probably one of the greatest e/n sites in the history of mankind... yes, even better than The Mark Side. It's like 50,000 Awful Links of the Day rolled into one.
homecoming is tomarro, and i am still dateless, i hope blake is gonna get off work, cause homecoming is gonna be a blast, me and crystal are gonna mess around with kats bf, jsut cause kats a stupid bitch hehehe, im gonna look super sexy, and i should have new pics of me up by sunday hopefully ALSO, I AM STILL HAVIN PROBLEMS ON ICQ, IF ANYONE TALKS TO ME ON ICQ (IAN OR WHATEVER U NAME IS) I CANT REVICE OR SEND MESSAGES WITH OUT ICQ FUCKIN UP, IVE INSTALLED IT AND UNINSTALLED IT ABOUT 5 TIMES, THERE FOR IT U WANNA TALK TO ME my email addy is latsyrk99@home.com my aim screen name is unloveableangel and my yahoo screen name is spazkitty420 ----krystal
we were featured on yet another shitty site called http://www.somethingawful.com/
i hate kat, because she is a fat whore, and she needs to like lose some fuckin weight, and tomarro is gonna fuckin rule, cause im gonna suduce here fuckin boyfriend
This is the best site in the world! It's like two female versions of Jeff K., minus the intelligence... and good looks. PS: They have a guestbook you may sign.
RATING: - FIVE damaged brains.
Lipgloss Assassin - There are so many vital and important news updates here, I don't know where to start. I'll just copy and paste some of the more exciting posts.
So sue me, i'm going to camilles fucking bday party and that foam party rave, tonight. expect a very stoned, drunk and wasted lipgloss on saturday morning.
I need to buy a swimsuit for friday, everyone wears Roxy Quicksilver and Speedo...I'm gonna be buying some funkstar bikini's at Mango. The Gap and Banana Republic can kiss my unpreppy ass, even though they dont even sell swimwear.
Listening to "very very sardonic" guys Eminem CD (I only have the cassette) and I just love track 3. I'm gonna go now and take a 4 hour long bath.
I'm listening to some Rage Against The Machine. I'm gonna be home alone tommorrow and I'm thinking of going out and coming back on Saturday.
Have you ever wondered how they got the M on those M & M's and the S on those Skittles ? How do they get them so centered on each and every one ? Wouldn't it be cool if someone had to sit every day painting white letters on about a million of them...yes it would.
I'm listening to some reggae/dancehall music right now and I'm contemplating whether or not I should smack that bitchass David Schwartz. I'm tired and everything seems to be floating around me.
Ohmigod, I'm so easy to scare...I actually screamed when watching ''Hollow Man'', I'm not kidding. This book is going to make me start going to church or something.
I have nothing witty or creative to say so I'm just gonna try reading.
What is this... the feeling of thousands of microscopic universes exploding in my brain?
RATING: - Two damaged brains.
Oh yes, if you do not check out this parody of The Onion, I will personally hunt you down and read issues of "The Mushroom" to you. This is one of the best parodies, and if the rest of the site wasn't exactly like The Onion itself, would cause me to wholeheartedly endorse it.
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This Week on Something Awful...
Pardon Our Dust
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Let's improve landmarks
Landmarks and statues around the world: old, boring and could use an update.
Make Horror Wholesome
Join the SA Forum photoshop goons in their quest to make horror wholesome!
Every Conceivable Way EA Could Screw Up Star Wars: Squadrons
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
About This Column
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.
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