Explorers of the Dyrwood know the epic adventure to be found within Pillars of Eternity, Obsidian Entertainment's new masterwork of old school RPG fun. One of the best parts of the game, a part that everyone loves, is getting to encounter all the interesting characters created by Kickstarter backers. You can walk up to any of them and through a ghost hallucination see a moment in their past to get a feel for their character.
The best part? These descriptions are written by the Kickstarter backers. You cannot talk to the NPCs or interact with them in any other way, but then again, what could you say to such amazing characters?
Here are a few of the best that we found when we were playing Pillars of Eternity.
|Aloevera Graveshadow - You see a pale godlike woman with hair made out of bone dreadlocks. Her eyes glow orange in the ancient tiled darkness of a crypt. She is cradling a big bat in her hands. It turns into a vampire with a puff of smoke and you see a vampire woman. She says we raised you as best we could but a crypt was no place for a little girl who was orphaned by gods who murdered her parents.|
Then the vampire dies and the woman begins to cry. Burning teardrops fall down her face. Her hands tighten into fists and you can know she really wants revenge for the vampire who turns to dust in the arms of the woman. You can tell that this godlike is going to go on a murderous path of revenge, using insane powers she learned from vampires to cause destruction to all her foes. Does she fight on the side of good or evil? You cannot be sure, but her powers are immense. After her revenge spree is done she is going to go stand outside an inn talking to people as if nothing interesting has ever happened in her life.
1: [Step Back]
|Burfle Skrimsy - A dozen monks lie beaten and groaning on the floor of a dojo. The man who bested them stands in the middle of the dojo and slowly pulls back the hood of his cloak. His head is like a yellow onion and he has a mustache and looks really intense. Godlike? You think so. He says something to the defeated monks. Looks like searing wisdom, but you can't hear what he is saying. Then another monk appears through the door and you can tell this is the boss monk because he has a sash over his muscular chest. This guy has got to be pretty high level.|
One of the coolest fights you have ever seen happens with like slow mo as they are punching each other and x-ray camera of bones breaking. Finally, the onion dude hits so hard that you see gravity distorting around his fist and the evil monk goes crashing into a support column and cracks it in half. But the battle has only begun. A whole realm of evil is waiting to be defeated in intense martial arts battles. After he has defeated everyone, the guy decides to go to the starting town and stand around next to a cart full of garbage.
1: [Step Back]
BLACK LIVES MATTER!!! NOOOOOOO!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? YOU HAVE CREATED A MONSTER, AN ABSOLUTE MONSTER!
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
Play your entire PS1 library from a single SD card. But not your Brady Strategy Guides.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.