For my 30th birthday this year, my girlfriend got me a remote controlled helium-powered inflatable shark balloon. Useless? Hardly. Here's a list of fun things ANYONE can do with a remote controlled helium-powered inflatable shark balloon!
It's a great way to tell people you resent becoming an adult.
It's a great conversation starter, if the conversation you're looking to start is, "Why do you have this? Aren't you an adult?"
You can attach a sign to it marked "My Hopes & Ambitions," then use the remote control to fly it out to sea.
You can take funny Instagram photos with it, hope they get a lot of likes, get sad when they don't, then cry yourself to sleep.
It pairs well with your remote controlled helium-powered inflatable sense of self-loathing.
You can put it in your profile picture if you're worried you're TOO employable.
Name it "Finn." Then, when nobody shows up to your Wrestlemania party, you can turn to it and say, "This is your fault, Finn."
One day, when you kids ask why they live in a tiny apartment while their friends live in "a real house," you can show them the balloon. And they can go, "Ahhhhhh. Now our lives make sense."
Use it to ferry a very small amount of drugs across a teeny, tiny border.
If it ever popped, you might actually experience non-ironic human emotion.
You can use it to raise awareness of the earth's helium shortage while also having a fun time with helium.
When you girlfriend leaves you due to your depressingly fatalistic rants about remote controlled helium-powered inflatable shark balloons, the shark can be your new girlfriend.
It's the funniest possible method of delivering child support payments.