SkyMall Product Reviews: Alpha Fuzion Personal Sauna System

This article is part of the SkyMall Product Reviews series.

Alpha Fuzion System: Luxurious Automated Fitness Comes to the Home!!! The Ultimate Fitness and Anti-Stress Machine. 100% Made in USA! The Alpha Fuzion System is the newest invention for the home from our world famous professional "health, relaxation and fitness PODs.

Customer Rating:
By GunCrazedPatriot from Lincoln, NE

Climb in there with a nice rump roast and a few onions and not only will you smell like a million bucks, you'll have a tasty meal for the family waiting. This sauna has been a game changer for the Pollock family.

Age: 36-40

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Customer Rating:
By PassTheGravy from Amarillo, TX

The lady above has the right idea. The body produces natural salts, which are released through sweat. I am steaming all my meats and vegetables with me in the pod now. The aroma of a fine ham wafting up from between my legs is incredibly relaxing. Plus, giving things more time to cook is the perfect excuse to stay in the sauna a few extra hours.

Age: 31-35

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Customer Rating:
By Vegeta4Prez from Jonesboro, AR

I'm incredibly confused why the music setting only plays "Dragula" by Rob Zombie. It's not very relaxing. But I love the oxygen-ready enriched air feature. What a brilliant idea! Wish I could enjoy that all the time.

Age: 41-45

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Customer Rating:
By Livin' Large from Prescott, AZ

My unit arrived last week after a brisk 48-day shipping time. Let's just say, the results have been mixed at best.

Con: causes bad nightmares. I used to have to eat beef until I passed out to have these kind of terrors, but this machine does it for me every time I fall asleep inside it.

Pro: it leaves me whole body with that moist, fresh feeling you get after you remove a band-aid or cast after a long time.

Con: My moist skin rips and tears easily, especially around my joints.

Pro: I don't have to move around a lot when I'm inside the sauna.

Con: My dog barks at me the entire time I'm in the sauna.

Pro: Plenty of fun settings to relax me and help me tune out the noise.

Con: My dog also likes the taste of my moist, loose skin now, and he's usually able to tear off a nice good sliver when I'm climbing out of the sauna.

Pro: It cost less than my last three cars combined!

Over all, I would highly recommend this sauna to anyone looking for a hot time at home.

Age: 31-35

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Customer Rating:
By DethSnipr from Rochester, MN

I suffer from severe gaming related muscle atrophy, which means my legs are limp from lack of use. The deliverymen refused to lift me up and put me inside the sauna after they arrived, which is illegal since there are laws to protect people with disabilities, such as myself. Thankfully I do not believe in tipping, so I saved some money and treated myself to pizza.

Heh, I probably won't even pay off the credit card I put it on. Not my fault those guys were incompetent jerks. I'm not even going to use the dumb thing now.

Age: 21-25

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Customer Rating:
By DaWideGuy from Jersey Shore, PA

READ THE DIRECTIONS.

It's very easy to get turned around and sit in this thing the wrong way, and when that happens you won't have access to the controls. And also it's extremely easy to suffocate and pass out. If you're gonna go that route, wear some socks.

Everyone is 110% spot-on about using this thing to cook. Even if I'm not making a meal, I always add a few onions in there to give myself some natural flavor. It was those onions that kept me alive when I was trapped inside backwards and face-down for six days.

Age: 36-40

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Customer Rating:
By CEO at Home from Panama City, FL

I was skeptical that this personal sauna system would prove useful, but I decided to take a chance. It was either that or buy a car for my beautiful wife of 25 glorious years.

She is not very happy, but I'm on cloud nine. I just wish they had some kind of head cover, so I don't have to listen to her yell at me anymore to come out of there.

The great thing about the sauna system is that all moisture evaporates, so you can even do your business in there worry free. It's 100% hygienic and healthy. Kudos to the team that made this. You guys are rocket scientists.

Age: 51-54

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Customer Rating:
By Goose Expert from Frisco, TX

Mine came infested with wasps and I've been afraid to climb inside, let alone open the lid. I swear to god this is the last home sauna system I will ever purchase.

Age: 31-35

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Customer Rating:
By MomofTwoBlogs from Cedar Rapids, IA

What a joke!!! The so-called "White Glove Service"??? It is a SHAM. The men came to my house ungloved and refused to put on gloves and later admitted they didn't have any gloves. Believe me, they got an earful over that. They also refused to do any of the yard work I had planned for them. AND MY STUPID HUSBAND JUST SAT IN THE CAR CRYING THE WHOLE TIME.

Age: 21-25

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Customer Rating:
By Amy from Yuba City, CA

It baconized our grandpa

Age: 21-25

– Josh "Livestock" Boruff (@Livestock)