SkyMall Product Review: Singing Gondolier

This article is part of the SkyMall Product Reviews series.

Turn your pool into an enchanting Venetian canal with the Singing Gondolier Pool Toy. Bring the romance and music of Venice to your pool with the Singing Gondolier Pool Toy. This whimsical pool decoration features a 15"L gondola that moves around your pool while gondolier Luciano Poolvarotti entertains you with 3 traditional Italian songs.

Customer Review:
By OneCustomerUnderGod from Raleigh, NC

Would greatly appreciate it if SkyMall would send me a non-Italian version immediately. I did not just spend $60 on a european robot that doesn't sing glorious Christian hymns on an RC boat.

Age: 31-35

----------

Customer Review:
By RockNRon from Crawfordville, FL

What does he sing? He's the right size for my scheme, but I need to know if he sings "Ants Marching" by Dave Matthews Band.

Age: 31-35

----------

Customer Review:
By Travis from Lookie Here, KY

Not what I had in mind when I ordered an Italian gondolier. This is literally just a tiny toy. Needless to say, the Italian businessmen were not impressed and I looked like a damn fool. We lost the pizza pie account and will have to lay off half our factory.

Age: 51-55

----------

Customer Review:
By Donna from Dodge City, KS

No real passion, does not sing from the heart. If you're going to serenade me, do it right.

DISSATISFIED.

Age: 41-45

----------

Customer Review:

By Rusty from Chowder Pointe, ME

Pros: Looked the part.
Cons: I developed a rash on my thighs and buttocks after only 30 minutes of sustained use. Songs are not very good.

Age: 41-45

----------

Customer Review:
By trudy from Rawlins, WY

Sometimes at night he comes alive and starts singing to himself in the dark and he sounds very sad.

Age: 26-30

----------

Customer Review:
By Lester from Post Falls, ID

Something spooked him mighty fierce, because he ain't sang a note in two days. What did you see, little Italian fella? What did you see out there?

Age: 41-45

----------

Customer Review:
By GrandpaGus from Knoxville, TN

Mine just keeps saying "Hey, I'm Italian" and I don't like it. I know you're Italian, you don't need to remind me.

Age: 61-65

----------

Customer Review:
By slightsight from Oshkosh, WI

The product photograph shows him being roughly as tall as the human beings situated behind him in terms of pixels and screen inches. I don't process things like depth, so I had no idea I was ordering a mouse-sized singing Italian robot. I have no use for a non-life-sized singing Italian robot. No one does.

Age: 51-55

----------

Customer Review:
By Daniel from Lookie Here, KY

LEARN SOME NEW SONGS, JACKASS. **CK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Age: 31-35

----------

Customer Review:
By Mavis from Saint Cloud, MN

It's been three days. He won't stop singing. What am I doing wrong???

Age: 46-50

----------

Customer Review:
By Ol' Big Heart from San Angelo, TX

He looks awful and stupid just sitting there on the floor singing. Am I supposed to go out and install a pool now? I would wager a small sum that a majority of the population does not own pools, especially minorities. This product is basically racist against those of us who don't have pools (like blacks and latinos, but not asians for obvious reasons).

Age: 41-45

----------

Customer Review:
By Beau from Poplar Bluff, MO

Too quiet. I can't hear him sing over the sound of my own yelling. Make him louder.

– Josh "Livestock" Boruff (@Livestock)