The Nintendo Switch: The First Six Days

I've been a Nintendo fan ever since the original NES. One of my most treasured childhood memories is getting the NES with ROB pack-in for Christmas and playing Gyromite all day. So, as you can imagine, I was excited to pick up the Switch. However, when I got home with my purchase, not only was it not Christmas, but I was also several years older and no longer capable of feeling that kind of pure childhood joy. Nintendo has really dropped the ball on this one.

I've never really been a fan of video and computer games. I always thought they were just for kids and pathetic basement dwelling nerds. What really got me excited about the Switch was the stories about how bad its hardware tasted. Well let me just put your minds at ease and tell you that these stories are all true. The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild was my first Zelda game. It tasted awful, like the dashboard of a car and wet pennies. I've had three so far and can't wait for my local Best Buy to get more copies in stock so I can punish my 'buds even more.

I didn't much like the Wii U. Yeah, it had a couple good titles [mostly from Platinum] but overall it had generally lacking third-party support and the controller gimmick was lame. The Switch seemed like it was going to fix both of these issues; the promised third-party support seemed much broader than that of the Wii U's, and I loved the idea of being able to take console games on the go. Unfortunately, I can not tell you how it feels to play since once I got my new Switch home I immediately went to the bathroom and accidentally flushed it down the toilet. I give the Nintendo Switch four out of five stars for a move in the right direction and my horrible toilet one out of five stars for a stronger than necessary water flow.

A Nintendo Switch? Psh, forget that! I'm too busy taking ocean selfies! Woo!

Sorry about him. Overall I've enjoyed the Switch - Breath of the Wild is definitely one of my favorite Zelda games of all time, and that's a pretty high bar to clear. 1-2 Switch was fun for a few minutes, but I honestly don't know why it wasn't a pack-in title. I love the Switch's tablet mode, too - it makes it easy to keep on gaming despite my demanding schedule of constantly appearing in ocean selfies.

I'm not going to pussyfoot around it here: I have not bought a Nintendo Switch. The only Switch related software I've bought is the Switch version of Just Dance 2017 so I could put the game case on my mantelpiece in my living room - and you better believe it looks fucking crisp. My house feels like a fucking palace now, and it's all thanks to Nintendo and arguably Ubisoft.

Cons:

Unable to afford a Switch at launch.

Pros:

Lack of Nintendo Switch has forced my imagination games to become more fun than ever before.

CONCLUSION:

Most powerful computer in the world still the human brain.