These Things I Know

Merlin is the most powerful wizard and the second most powerful is Harry Potter. There are no other real life wizards.

Wizards sometimes have wizard duels and they go to a magical castle and stand on opposite sides of a room and then try to shoot each other with revolvers.

A female wizard is also called a wizard, but you say it without trilling the "r".

Rasputin was a monk, not a wizard. Monks are wizards that believe in god instead of dragons

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In a movie a dude can walk around without pants on all he wants as long as he doesn't get a boner, but if he does get a boner a siren goes off and everybody runs away from the set. The next day the director will call the actor into his movie HQ trailer and say, "Buddy, enough with the boners, you're ruining my movie."

If a pretty lady sees you getting a boner she has the right to call the police and have you sent to prison. You could argue with the policeman, but it probably won't work. It's her word against your lying low-down boner's. Who is a jury going to believe?

If you get a boner staring at the moon something is wrong. Maybe you're a werewolf! Or a vampire!! No, you're probably not those things. You probably just like the moon a lot.

If you describe your boner to every 12 year old you run into on the Internet you'll eventually get Chris Hansen's autograph.