We can do rope stuff if you know how to tie knots. The more knots, the better.Girl, this Wikipedian has been thinking of you. Your hair, your smile, your Eastern European facial features which might be noteworthy. But I've been thinking of you specifically in regards to the entry for frottage on Wikipedia, which I believe should have a video file.

Girl, I want to rub all over you with my junk. I want to get nasty. I want to record it in 1080p and submit it to peer review. I want to make our love royalty free. Girl, you may call it strange, but I call it fair use.

If we don't do it, who will? Someone not interested in growing knowledge organically by humping on a table?

Let's quit playing games. It's time we take this to the next level, girl. It's time for oral sex. Hairy, poorly lit, but let's do this, just for science. Let's get into weird poses and I'll write up a description that sounds like I might have a fetish for my own frenulum. Girl, it's distinctive.

C'mon, girl, let's make it happen. Let's have heterosexual intercourse. Vagina to penis. Also known as coitus or copulation. Girl, I want this to be special. I hung non-reflective screens around my bedroom.

We need to get this done before the weird drawing people swoop in.I'm cool with doing it in my weird European bathtub. Girl, I will even put away my anime. I want everything to be just right, because RawDog182 has a grudge for me and he will delete my videos.

You know what I see in you, baby? I see breasts measured to cup size 75cm D. Let's confirm this and post a photo to the brassiere measurements page. You know you want to, girl. This is all about you. What you like. What you need to tell people doing cursory research about your sensual body.

You know I am into it. Girl, look up anything, let's make a video. How about Irrumatio? Girl, I don't even know what that is, but the entry has no videos. Are you down for some original research? Because this is about expanding human knowledge, not some cheap thrills, unless we're filming for the entry on cheap thrills.

Bring all your personal kinks into it. We'll turn one video into a grab bag of topics. When someone looks up masturbation they want to know that you put a clock up your butt to do it. When someone searches labret piercing they also will learn that I have several other interesting piercings and a male tramp stamp.

Don't mind me, girl. I'll just be posing with my donk like I'm holding a strangled goose.Now don't get mad, girl. You know how I feel. For disambiguation, look into my eyes girl. Shine a flashlight into them. Now take a picture for the article on oculation. Is that a thing? We just made it a thing. Me and you. RawDog182 not invited.

This thing we have going on is definitely not a stub, but I am willing to expand it for the sake of the girlfriend project. Let's make some entries, girl. Let's do some edits and leave them sit. I can only express myself sexually as a GIF of a hands-free ejaculation. Girl, I may not touch it, but I'm going to need your help. Bring a towel and an open mind. If we do this right your article is going to be featured in my heart.

Follow Zack on Facebook for plenty more unsettling closeups of body parts.

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

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