Have you ever wondered where the stars of Weekend Web come from? Today you're going to find out! What follows are the people who have the children who end up inside of the horrible pages of this eternally damned feature. These are also, unfortunately, the parents of future generations to come. Let's give a warm welcome to the parents of the internet!

BREAKING NEWS: The dream is over guys.

From: Dani Kasey danikasey@yahoo.com
To: spokkerjones@somethingawful.com
Subject: loser

You have so little else to do that you feel the need to come to a forum and attack pregnant woman and mothers looking for advice and support? GET A FUCKING LIFE YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT! You have way too much time on your hands, how about getting a job, and a life? You are nothing but a fucking moron who thinks its funny to make fun of things you clearly don't understand. I hope no stupid woman is ever retarded enough to sleep with you, let alone procreate another worthless piece of shit from your obviously very tainted and twisted gene pool. May some smart sick soul put your testicles in a meat grinder and turn it up on high!

ANd by the way, the only reason I went to your miserable excuse for a website was to make sure none of my posts were there. You're lucky, had they been, you would have been paying my family for the rest of your measly pathetic life.

Looks like we better close up shop before we have to pay Dani Kasey to sit on her fat ass nursing seventeen children while watching The People's Court for the rest of our lives.

I'm going to name your kids mistakes number one through four.

Having more than two babies at a time has got to be some kind of cruel and unusual punishment. These people have got six kids packed into this woman's bloated uterus of hell. Oh, it's such a miracle! It will be even more of a miracle if these poor kids don't come out smaller than a rat.

This is what happens when Star Trek fans have children.

A is for abortion.

So the kid is going to have polio and be breastfeeding when he's fourteen? Get with the program you crazy ass zodiac fucks!

Kid: Mommy, how did we get our names?
Mother: Well dear, you were named by the internet.
Kid: What the fuck?

Name your children after various brand name products. If you don't end up becoming a millionare then my name isn't Zachary "Spokker Jones" Coca-Cola.

Oh you're welcome! Any time you need help with something you should probably be able to do on your own don't hesitate to post!

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