The Gospel of Timothy, submitted by Roger. Have you always wanted to join a religious movement but have never found one that agrees with your opinions that God does not want people to have to work and companies should be sued for 450 billion dollars if anyone is ever injured using their products or services? Then join the Timotheans! Rather than peace or love or acceptance, the main stance of the Timotheans revolves around the idea that everyone who has ever been wronged by anyone else should sue them out of existence, or else they are a mentally ill psychotic Mafia serial-killer.

  • Work is a sin. Jesus said the birds do not toil neither do they spin and they are feed, Mt. 6:28 Lk 12:27. Food grows on trees. All Land belongs to God, it can not be sold or bought. Farming is a sin of Cain, every plant the Father has not planted shall be rooted up, Matt. 15:13. Every rock stacked upon another will be thrown down, Mt 24:2, Mk. 13:2 Lk 21:6. If the Lord has not built it, men labor in vein, Ps. 127:1.
  • Satan teaches forgiveness so that evil can flourish. The reason why preachers preach forgiveness is because the Priest molested the children last week and wants to be forgiven. The reason why he preaches charity is he wants money. You can not preach forgiveness unless you did something wrong.
  • If the lawyers and Judges were govern by truth wickedness would never have came into existence. God said there is no peace for the wicked. If evil is sued, it will run out of money. Don't forgive, sue for coat and hat, Mt 5:40.
  • If your not in enough pain to sue for 450 billion dollars then your just a hypochondriac trying to get out of work.

Oh yeah, and I'm not sure, but I think Timothy believes he's the Messiah. Somehow I am not surprised.

– Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka (@TwitterHasBannedAllMyAccountsEver)

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