Cousin Couples - Support for Kissing Cousins, submitted by Robby. We had a lot of fun today, but now it's time for me to get serious for a second and speak about something that's very important to me - the persecution of cousins who intermarry. Well the days of hiding in the closet are no more! We're here and we're... um, cousins...! Here are some of "The Facts!"...

Fact: Albert Einstein married his first cousin. And so did Charles Darwin, who had exceptional children.

Fact: Franklin D. Roosevelt, the longest serving US president in history married his cousin (not a first cousin, however they shared the same last name).

Fact: The first Prime Minister of Canada, Sir John A. MacDonald married his first cousin.

Fact: Leviticus 18 lists all forbidden sexual relationships. Cousin relationships are not included.

Fact: God commanded many cousins to marry, including Zelophehad's 5 daughters, Eleazar's daughters, Jacob (who married both Rachel and Leah, first cousins), and Isaac and Rebekkah (first cousins once removed). All were ancestors of Jesus Christ.

That's right, Jesus commands you: marry your cousins! On this site you can make yourself a cousin loving profile, talk to an expert in the field of unnatural inter-family love, and even sign a guestbook. Also make sure to check the poetry forum:

He came to me one night, dark as the clouds moved slowly over head still seeing the expression on his face, was it wanting, needing, or was it just loneliness? I felt him touch me all over but yet he was not near enough to do so, his eyes danced acrossed my body, down to my breasts and I could see he had paused for only a moment, no he lingered longer. How I felt the heat rise within me now getting hotter and he proceeded downward, how I wanted him to touch me not with his eyes, but with his hands, lips, oh yes, and tongue. I swollowed hard and made the words come out of my mouth, "I want You"... Even though it may have been dark I could see now that it was evident he wanted me too. We now touched, it was real, the heat you could feel, the passion was so intense it made me want to rip his clothes off right where we stood. We layed under the blanket of stars and each of us took turns taking off one anothers clothes, did it take long in doing this, no I would say not. The Rest Is Memories...

WRONG!

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

More Awful Link of the Day

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Pardon Our Dust

    Pardon Our Dust

    Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.

  • DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG

    DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG

    Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind

Copyright ©2024 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful