"Puzuzu is a Teacher of the Occult Arts and Spiritual Counselor along with being a UFO Hunter, Artist, New Age Musician/Song Writer and "Pioneer of the Unknown". He describes himself as a Beacon of Light for the World. Puzuzu is also the Author of the book entitled "Those Who From Heaven To Earth Came". He is an old soul, having lived 1,048 lives here and on other Worlds. An Eccentric Being in this life would be an understatement."
...and it goes on like that.
Venus, Mighty one of Lust!
I call upon you with your trust
To bring this person to me now
Your fragile trust is your vow!
Spells have to sound like they came out of a Dr. Seuss book, apparently.
Once you've mastered the lower levels of sorcery, you can move onto "High Magick," which is much more powerful than your normal, garden-variety Witchcraft. You've got to be really careful, though. You don't want to accidentally bring Cthulhu into existence when conjuring a ball of light, do you?
For more advice, you can learn from Puzuzu himself over Skype for just $20 an hour. NO, he will NOT do magic for you during these sessions, so stop asking.
Puzuzu's greatest magical feat, however, is his ability to remove society's blinders and tell it like it is. His section on "The Control System" features a bunch of cool rants about how people are brainwashed sheep and religion is all bullshit, man. Be careful not to burn yourself on this hottest of hot takes:
Then some of us think we have awakened, and switch to a different religion. By doing so, you might learn some new information. However, the new information you learned, is just another party balloon filled with shit sprinkles.
What I'm telling you is fact. It is told to me personally by the Celestial Gods Enlil and Enki.
Oh, and of course NASA faked the moon landing. He knows this because of his friends in high places:
They want you to think that you are the only living beings in this Universe... just as they lie about all the UFOs that have been seen by humans thousands of times. I myself have over 3,000 UFO pictures that I have taken personally myself. I have also communicated with the Celestial Gods that control these Skyships. So I know firsthand that NASA is as corrupt as you can get.
Frauds! Everyone knows if you want to travel to the moon you have to draw a pentagram and recite a limerick (Saturdays only).
BLACK LIVES MATTER!!! NOOOOOOO!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? YOU HAVE CREATED A MONSTER, AN ABSOLUTE MONSTER!
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
Play your entire PS1 library from a single SD card. But not your Brady Strategy Guides.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.