The Terrible Truth About Dolphins

The Terrible Truth About Dolphins (2006)

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Les mémoires des dauphins marquent mon âme (Germany)

Get Dem Dolphins! (Atlanta)

• After a run-in with the MPAA (who threatened to give the "documentary" an NC-17 rating), Director Terrence Vizio begrudgingly cut the movie's opening segment, a five-minute montage of Fonda "training for a fight" by repeatedly kicking a beached dolphin in the face.
• Although he called it "The Dolphin Whisperer", the salt-loaded shotgun Vizio carried around the set was never used on the dolphins themselves. Instead, he fired the gun into Fonda's underwear drawer daily, convinced the salt would shrink the actress' unsightly vaginal bulge.
• Despite Fonda's presence in the film Vizio almost received government arts funding as a documentary filmmaker. Plans only fell through when protestors noted there were no government-sponsored "dolphin internment camps", and that no film in favor of saving dolphins would refer to the creatures as "grey-skinned sea niggers".
• The "pro-dolphin" subterfuge didn't end there. Vizio hired several big-name activist bands to perform his movie's soundtrack, only to have most of them drop out when they saw a rough cut of the film. The only band who stayed on the project was 311, who said later claimed they "never saw it that way".
• A "Dolphins in Popular Film" segment was scrapped when Ed Norton refused to don neo-Nazi garb and curb-stomp a dolphin.
• Director Trademark: Bar fight scenes in which drunken men grab bottlenose dolphins by the snout, break them over a bar, and stab one-another with the remains.
• Vizio evaded animal cruelty charges by calling his on-set actions "religious practice" and saying every inquiry forced him to kill another dolphin in the name of "cleansing".
• When asked about her decision to appear in the movie, Fonda told reporters she was "attacked by a tiny pink dolphin every night for years". Ted Turner, in response, said "I don't know any dolphins the size of a baby's arm" before putting on his favorite Stetson hat and punching a black person in the mouth. (More)

Gunthild Dolphinkiller: Every night... every night they come. You think Flipper's smiling at you, motherfucker? You think he's happy to be in that goddamn tank? No. He's... he's smiling because he's thinking. Thinking about sucking your mom's guts out through her cunt. Thinking about the day they leave his tank a little too open, just so he can clamp those fucking meateaters down on some little kid's face. Ever seen an eight-year-old girls' lungs, Al? It ain't pretty. Especially when a dolphin's blowin' 'em up like a big goddamn meat balloon.

Narrator: So... what do you think of the people who say dolphins aren't all that bad?
Gunthild Dolphinkiller (loading crossbow): Faggots. All of 'em. Dolphins won't eat 'em because they stink like patchouli and incense.
Narrator: Then why don't you wear patchouli and incense, too?
Gunthild Dolphinkiller: You callin' me a faggot?

Dr. Jerry Plankton (dubbed): Hoo-buddy! I sure is a dolphin-lovin' fagboat! Gimmie a dolphin so I can fuck him! Make sure it's a boy dolphin, too!
Al Plankton (dubbed): This 'ere biology degree only means one thing: I get paid thousands of dollars to fu-hu-huck dolphins!
Dr. Jerry Plankton: Uh, why isn't the microphone on? And why are you mumbling into that tape recorder?
Narrator: No reason. (More)

• Factual errors: Dolphins do not "go faster" when injected with racing-grade gasoline.

– Evan "Pantsfish" Wade