The indie gaming scene has experienced an almost exponential growth of popularity in the last few years, transforming many individuals into overnight success stories. Unfortunately, for every talented developer, there's approximately 500,000 other people who should be legally prohibited from entering a 100-mile radius of any coding language. Despite their lack of talent and any apparent skills whatsoever, these folks continue to spew a steady stream of terrible, incomprehensible "games" into the internet, polluting it for the rest of us. Today we'll showcase the top nine most awful games I've played recently, and collectively wonder why our government has failed to protect us from. All of these monstrosities and more can be experienced on my Youtube channel, which you should subscribe to if you hate yourself and possess poor taste in everything.
#9: "Crisis City"
I have to admit, while Crisis City is by no stretch of the imagination a game anybody would enjoy, it possesses a certain charm buried within its massive incompetence. From the terrible voice acting to the downright baffling game design, you'll be laughing in disbelief throughout your race against time. According to a disembodied voice on the radio, the city of Crisis City (yes, that is its name) is, oddly enough, about to suffer a series of crises, including an impending earthquake and tsunami. Also most of it's on fire. And electrified. For reasons unknown, the mayor has tasked you to help its braindead, mutant citizens escape to a safe area roughly 50 feet away. You'd think running a city named "Crisis City" would prepare you for such a thing, but I guess it never crossed anybody's mind. Come to think of it, I'm not sure anybody in this game has a mind.
9/11 will forever be remembered as the event that occurred on 9/11, unlike 9/12 or 3/8, which both happened on completely different dates. Nine-Eleven challenges the player to escape from the Twin Towers (both of them) during the infamous terrorist attacks by slowly walking down the world's most dull hallways. Or actually maybe you're in the subway system below the Twin Towers. The game can't really make up its mind, not that it matters all that much since nothing in either location makes any sense to begin with. What a disaster!
#7: "Prevention 1"
Take on the nefarious forces of the infamous "AAU" in Prevention 1, the first FPS featuring revolutionary "wooden guns" and "detachable, floating torsos." While clearly inspired by modern shooters, Prevention 1 bucks the trend by consistently avoiding any rational gameplay elements that normal human beings might enjoy or understand. At the very least, skip to the end and witness the final boss "battle," which will leave you speechless (I'm going on the assumption you ran our of curse words long ago).
BLACK LIVES MATTER!!! NOOOOOOO!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? YOU HAVE CREATED A MONSTER, AN ABSOLUTE MONSTER!
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
Play your entire PS1 library from a single SD card. But not your Brady Strategy Guides.
It is said the Lord did write upon the sky, "Only the Most Awful shall be cataloged herein." And a wind did come and blow away the words and turn them into a skull. And the writers did fall upon their knees and give thanks, for yea, the Most Awful was good. Thus the lists were born. Read them, sons and daughters, and be strong.