Oh hey, great! Another video by some idiot manchild who thinks that having a level 18 wizard in his friend's D&D campaign makes him qualified to practice the Art of Magick. Well, let me tell YOU something motherfucker: as a 3rd tier Wiccan and avid Buffy the Vampire Slayer enthusiast, I assure you that you know jack SHIT about Magick.Wizard needs food badly.
For starters, if you think the Dark Lord of Hatred is going to visit your mom's double wide you have got to be kidding. As one who has frequently convened with His Dark Majesty, Father of All Lies and Blasphemies, I can assure you he only visits houses that can't be moved with a pickup truck. Furthermore, if you think your high school graduation gown is going to fool The Corrupter of Innocence into thinking you dipped it in real goats blood just because it's purple, you must have been born yesterday.
By the way, nice haircut Opie. I'm sure The King of Sin will just shit a brick over how cool your buzz cut is. Hint: if you're not going to have stringy, waist-length hair, DON'T FUCKING BOTHER. At the very least you think you'd have enough sense to maybe buy some Judas Priest posters. Oooh, that Ikea bookshelf is just soooo sinister and those scented candles on your dining room table are sure to scare off Christians. Get a fucking life.
I mean, seriously, what were you thinking? The Art is not something to be toyed with by nerds who think they're goth as fuck just because the have a Shadow-speced priest on a PVP server. Here's an idea: how about instead of summoning Satan, you summon some friends who want to hang out with you other than because you're old enough to buy them beer.
"This ritual had many purposes, 1st it is taughtas the first ritual to learn the basic in ritual craft, 2nd it banishes negative energy and influence, 3rd when done right it makes you the center of the universe and one with the Divine."
"the kabbalistic cross is different i believe it draws from every 4 corners and you are actually expanding your inner microcosm to take up the entire universe. So when you goto the right you are drawing to the right the spirit extends to the right till the universe ends and up and down also. I guess any ritual has more to do with your OWN ideal then what is better or worse for others"
"I love the puppy."
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
As you may have noticed, the most popular viral videos at any given time are amazingly banal, annoying, and cliched pieces of waste. It almost seems as if the internet naturally gravitates towards the worst possible Youtube and Google video selections. So it stands to reason that if the terrible videos become popular, then the unpopular videos must be awesome! We here at Something Awful present to you AwfulVision™, our own patented service dedicated to showcasing a wide selection of unpopular videos that apparently must be good! Welcome to Web 3.9. Welcome to AwfulVision™!