i recognized acclaimed 80s comedy director John Landis at Safeway and told him my favorite movie of his was The Twilight Zone where he blew up a helicopter rotor with pyrotechnics, sending it crashing onto actor Vic Morrow and two Vietnamese children, chopping them to pieces. i told Landis i also loved the part where he was found not guilty in court and never had to pay for his brazen disregard for child labor laws or basic occupational safety. he seemed kinda pissed off at me, but not as much as i'd expected. i think when you've gotten away with murder, you learn not to let the little things in life bother you anymore.

Sighted by: Yad Rock

In a similar vein, I happened to come across the decapitated skull of Vic Morrow while backpacking through Vietnam. I went off the beaten path and suddenly appeared in California, where I stepped on it, shattering it into pieces. I spent thirty long days and twenty nine long nights reassembling his dead visage all the while pondering whether I should tell anyone of this discovery, so that the long, tragic line of Vic Morrow skull seekers would no longer abuse the local populace and perpetuate income inequality in California and in Phnom Penh, Vietnam, where the child actors and staff were exploited for pennies on the dollar for the movie. I decided against it, because he's the skull Phnom Penh deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So we'll keep hunting it. Because Vic can take it. Because it's not our skull. Or the skull of the two kids, which would be pretty fucked up.

Sighted by: anne frank fanfic

Sweet kiss, beautiful love-making, for sure my memories of running the craft services trailer on the set of Street Fighter: The Movie in Thailand will last a lifetime and be dominated by sucking off Raul Julia at a snake-fighting arena where he gave me money to gamble on 8-year-olds fighting to the death.

Sighted by: Triticum Guzzler

I've met Paul Stanley of KISS dozens of times, most recently during my civil lawsuit against Paul Stanley of KISS for sexually abusing me as a boy between the ages of 8 and 12.

Sighted by: Triticum Guzzler

Adolf Hitler: Showed up at the Burger King I work at and really tore into this problem customer we were having, telling them to "be fair" and that we were "only human beings". Fantastic guy, hung around after and regaled us with industry stories, anecdotes, etc. Tried to give him his meal on the house but he insisted on paying.

Sighted by: no they will not

Met Spiderman from comics today. Was in bank being robbed when spiderman stopped the robbers. He said "I know times are rough but we have to do things the right way." The robbers understood that he was right but thought they were too far in to stop now and shot their guns at him. He dodged all the bullets and shot them with webs. The webs were strong so the robbers couldn't move.

Spiderman said we were all real troopers for going though this and took a picture with all of us. He said the picture would be in the paper. When the cops sirens came spiderman said that the robbers should "hang around" (they were hanging from the webs) and everyone laughed. (even one of the robbers laughed and one of the other robbers got mad at him but in a defeated way.) I hope that I meet spiderman again but for now I feel safe knowing that he is out there.

Sighted by: Keven. Just. Keven

I was at the movies and I saw all my favorite super heroes on the big screen. They went on an adventure and I was invited along to watch. The battle was hard, but in the end they won. When I got home I looked up the trailer on youtube and watched it a few times. A few months later I bought the bluray and now I can see all my favorite super heroes, whenever I want on my TV, and can even rewind and watch my favorite scenes again and again!

Sighted by: Anime Sandwich

Met the TV celeb outside a train station in the country. Overreacted in a way that the wording of the post makes it clear I am unaware of. TV celeb displayed embarrassment and barely concealed confusion. For some reason, I can't believe it.

Sighted by: no they will not

– FYAD (@g0m)

More Comedy Goldmine

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Pardon Our Dust

    Pardon Our Dust

    Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.

  • DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG

    DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG

    Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind

Copyright ©2024 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful