Given that you're reading a Something Awful front-page article, you're probably already a badass. If not, you've almost certainly resolved to be one in the new year 2013! Stated goals such as "develop an interest," "get physical" and "go outside" will have you well on your way! However, there are certain expectations that go along with being a badass. When you do a cool thing people will look at you expectantly, and if you don't follow it up by saying a cool thing, you'll forfeit badass status. Fortunately WET BUTT came up with phrases for almost every situation! Thanks to neoaxd for the drawings; contact him for commissions and follow him on Twitter!

WET BUTT wrote all the badass things on page 1; on p. 2 and 3, his FYAD peers pitch in with quips!


50 dollars = 50 big ones
$100 = Benjamins
$200 = a smooth double hundo
$25 = big two five and im feelin live
$300 = more money than ive ever seen before in my life

No shit sherlock

Nice job captain obvious

Reality tv is bullshit [said coolly]

remember when mtv used to play fuckin music

Take five, brother

someone woke up on the wrong side of the DICK today

Yeah i got a match, my ass and your face [said in timbre that rules]

do the math [said across table to my enemies]

Opinions are like onions- i cut into them using atheist wisdom and people start crying

my boys gf: *gives my boy some serious shit for nothing*

me: Whipped!!!!! Wah chhh hahahhaahaha

my boy: lol damn good times man

i see a guy fall over: Walk much

i see some bugs on the street; Cool

i see some hot chicks at the mall: Want to get fucked tonight. Want to get fucked tonight. Want to get fucked by me [they start walking away] Fine whatever i dont like to fuck slut whore fucking dyke bitches anyway. fuck you retard

I dont know why they call it house music, it seems to really bring the house down hahaha. I said id ont know why they calli t house music it seems to really bring the house down. Never mind its too loud in here and i need to recharge my nintendo ds on the sooner (on the sooner is another separate cool thing i will say)

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