Zack: Jenlar Temlin approaches you and looks at the talisman. "It is good to see you again. I see you were successful. What is the secret of The Rock?"
Steve: Something about judgment's seat or a chest or something. Only the penitent man will pass?
Zack: What do you tell him?
Steve: "Well met sir Temlin, it is also fortuitous to arrive again upon this heath. I do indeed return victorious and I brought this treasure to give to you."
Zack: He takes the talisman, but he still wants to know what the secret of The Rock is.
Steve: "Sometimes to get the magical treasure you must take one for the team. For upwards of three sultry hours."
Zack: "You have learned the wisdom of the bro, but you have not yet discovered the truth of The Rock. You must try again."
Steve: "Everything is bullshit!" Dean Snakehands shouts and smashes the place up really bad on his way out. "The world is so much crap from a huge turd butt."
Zack: Steve, you have failed in the adventure.
Steve: That last fight was just too difficult. How could anyone possibly defeat all that text?
Zack: The thought of reading all that out loud makes my throat sore.
Steve: Dean Snakehands is retiring to whatever island you sent your dwarf necromancer guy to live on. He is one unhappy adventurer. Outwitted by conspiracies of horses and gnomes, tricked into doing it with some horrible old lady, and bested by a novella of magical voices.
Steve: I am noting this in my oath book.
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.