Zack: Man, the dark elf armor has changed a lot in Lineage 2 since the last patch.

Lowtax: I think I saw these guys playing at the Elephant Lounge in Las Vegas. The guy with the afro played the marimba.

Zack: Well, if the crowd turned against him at least you know he would be safe from medieval weapons.

Lowtax: The woman sang touching songs about the unsightly bulge in her pants.

Zack: Yeah, she is packing monster heat beneath her floor-length armor. I guess she was worried about people shooting arrows at her ankles.

Lowtax: It's like they decided to put more effort into their armor outfit than Star Trek kid and his lousy little crummy "My First Magic Pop Tab Vest." Well of course you guys can make better armor; you're a higher level than him!

Zack: Yeah, obviously they have been collecting materials and going on raids to the Lizardman Jazz Dungeon. If you camp the spawn of Zkloooee Armstrong he will drop +2 rings for ringmail.

Lowtax: Maybe next they can concentrate on some better boots with boner resistance.

Zack: Hey, some warriors don't have the money to afford anything but socks. Enchanters have it even worse off. They just have to go barefoot.

Lowtax: What about some of the warrior classes who don't have enough intelligence to wear some items. I mean, how dumb do you have to be to not be able to wear shoes?

Zack: The more I look at this the more I can't help but think: finally, comfortable armor I can just wear around the house when I want to relax.

Lowtax: I don't know, neither of them really seem that comfortable. In fact, the guy on the left looks like he's about to backhand somebody, possibly for insulting his wife's boner.

Zack: You're just being racist again. Black people always look mad because whenever they see a white guy they are reminded that Elvis stole their music from them.

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

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About This Column

Fashion SWAT... the fashion industry is obsessed with impracticality. We know that what designers create was never meant to be worn by the grimy masses, but that doesn't somehow diminish how ridiculous many of these costumes are. Make no mistake, they are costumes, and like a Halloween prize pageant we will turn our discerning gaze on the grievous fashion misfires of Paris, Milan, and New York. We're not pulling any punches, and we're definitely not interested in making any friends. We're Joan Rivers without Melissa Rivers to temper our screeching. We're the Fashion Police in jack boots. We are Fashion SWAT.

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