Metal Hell

Subhuman, "Nata Troia (Natural Born Whore)"

GD: Do you think they told the actress the title "Natural Born Whore" during her casting call, or did they just say the title in Italian, really suavely?

het: I'm not certain they know what it means, because all she's doing is sitting in a chair.

kcw: Well, she got up to leave, so I guess someone translated. She was just sitting there waiting to audition, and they apparently used that for the final video.

GD: Percentage of deathcore fans who would listen to/enjoy this song without ever realizing it's in a different language: 97.

het: Yeah, that sounds about right.

kcw: Hey, he's burping at her. How rude!

GD: It's a different culture. In Italy, it's considered impolite if you don't burp in a woman's face and call her a natural born whore. That said, this part where she's just screaming in the woman's face is exactly like that Brokencyde video, but without the irony.

het: When I think Brokencyde is more artistically valid than your band, that's a problem. However, one thing they did that Brokencyde didn't was give us her side of that exchange. We get to see the guy yelling at the camera. Perhaps Subhuman sympathizes with the Natural Born Whore. We don't know the lyrics, maybe they're "YOU CAN GET YOUR LIFE TOGETHER / MY SISTER RUNS A WOMEN'S SHELTER / I THINK I CAN HELP YOU GET WORK AS A TEEEEEEEMMMMMMMMMMMMPPPPPPPPPP!"

GD: "FIGHT YOUR GENETIC PREDISPOSITION TOWARD WHOREDOM/HAVE RESPECT FOR YOUR INTELLECT AND BECOME THE REAL YOUUUUU!"

het: "YOU CAN'T TRULY LOVE ANYONE UNTIL YOU LOVE YOURSELF / I THINK YOU NEED TO SPEND SOME TIME ALONE SO YOU CAN REALLY GET THAT!"

het: YouTube comment: "Ragazzi, spaccate un casino, vi ho scoperto 3 minuti fa per caso e già vi adoro xD. Unica pecca laÿ voce, sarebbe stato meglio qualcosa di più sul growl secondo me, e non questa specie di screamo :-/. Fatto sta che spaccate un casino. IT'S TIME TO FILL THE THRASH VACUUM!" So does this guy know English, or was that just something he picked up from the "English-Italian Phrasebook For People with Shitty Taste in Metal"?

GD: "screamo :-/"
Also, translation: "I work at a casino, and I have to go because it's time to empty the vacuum bag in the trash!"

het: Things often found in the carpet: crumbs, dust, thrash. Only one vacuum can pick up everything. Do your kids color your world blackened? I've been there, believe me.

GD: Try the Thrash Vacuum, from Madhousekeeping! We also offer Coathanger 18, and a full WARdrobe Ensemble!

Nocturnal Rites, "Never Again"

kcw: The singer's reaction of recoiling from a bright light is based on the real experience of a metal fan who went outside.

GD: The devil woman looks like how David Bowie's Labyrinth character would look today, 25 years later.

kcw: Or Ann Coulter.

GD: I like the most recent YouTube comment: "It's great song, clip is normal." Haha, "clip is normal."

het: Yeah, it's weird to say that a video with a devil woman and a lava island is phoned-in, but damn.

Dommin, "My Heart, Your Hands"

het: Sick rock mansion. So are they house-sitting? The owner is gonna be so fuckin' pissed when he comes home.

GD: I feel like the dude with the fluffy devil lock tried to have a serious romantic talk with the woman, but she just wanted to show him her lame red scarf trick.

het: Nobody likes magicians :( "Yes yes, it just keeps going even though I did not remember having a scarf in my shirt, very amusing. Goddammit Michelle, this is serious, I'm trying to talk about our future!"

GD: "Take off that damn red tie, you look like you're in Alkaline Trio." And when she pushes that squirrel's tail off his forehead, she gives him a look of disgust, like "cut that shit off."

het: I know, I'd been wanting to do that the whole time. I feel like my mom: "What the hell is that? Get your hair out of your face, nobody can see you!"

GD: My Hair, Your Hand.

kcw: The singer's influences include Prince and Aretha Franklin. Haircut influences, that is.

GD: Oh no, Captain Haircut summoned the writhing gimps from that Bat for Lashes video!

kcw: I knew something bad was gonna happen to that girl because she had a red scarf around her neck. That never ends well. Might as well be corrugation on cardboard.