Is the new Spider-Man the spiritual successor to 2004's Spider-Man 2 we've all been hoping for, or are angry nerds right about downgraded puddles ruining everything? We'll find out in a few short days when the game releases alongside this day-one patch.
All puddles reduced in size by 12% to free up resources and improve overall performance
Puddle-space reflection quality increased by 12%, taking full advantage of newly available resources
Puddles removed from the surface of the moon, which most players were unable to see at all
Puddles added to vertical surfaces (such as the sides of buildings, vehicles, people, and vertical puddles)
Disabled all non-puddle post-processing effects
Last-minute changes to the texture work of Spider-Man's suit, replacing the spider logo with a puddle logo
In order to free up memory for more puddles we completely removed the dynamic weather system, particularly rain
Changed numerous signs and billboards to contain words that are more puddle-centric (like 'Pudds 'n 'Spuds, a puddle themed potato restaurant)
Removed several web-swinging animations to make room for additional puddles
Changed nearly every mission objective to "Puddle."
Tweaked the difficulty of Spider-Man's final boss fight, in which he faces off with The Puddler
If players rest on top of a skyscraper long enough Spider-Man will gaze out at the New York harbor and philosophically muse that "From up here, the ocean looks like one big puddle."
Reworked the puddle quick time events to be much more difficult
Adjusted the combat system to ensure that all combos end with the enemy either laying in a puddle or dying, uttering their last words "Tell my puddle I loved it."
When Spider-Man accomplishes certain tasks he is now rewarded with XP, or eXperience Puddles
Thanks to the advanced motion tracking technology in the PS4 DualShock, players can shake their controllers to create vaguely proportional ripples in puddles
Fixed an issue in which the player would occasionally not step in a puddle
Tracked down a glitch that mistakenly allowed the camera to look up, away from all the puddles
Removed a particularly nasty bug that completely deactivated all physics and scripting when a puddle was on screen
In many cutscenes the characters were blocking the player's view of puddles, so we removed all characters from cutscenes
All save games were simply storing a repeating string of text that read "puddlepuddlepuddlepuddle"
In the mandatory Spider-Man Kart levels, banana power-ups were sinking and disappearing when dropped on top of puddles
Fixed an issue that prevented players from turning in their Puddle Coins for cosmetic skins to alter the appearance of puddles
Every time Spider-Man passes a puddle (this happens a lot) he now remarks, "This puddle is amazing."
Replaced all music with the hit song "She Hates Me" by Puddle of Mudd, and convinced the band to remove "of Mudd" from their name
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
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