Hydrogen: "I'd rather pin the tail on the donkey." Somehow this became a euphemism for cold-blooded murder in the future, I guess?
Trillaphon: I thought this was going to be another rape scene. Small mercies etc.
Trillaphon: That is the happiest collection of ones and zeroes you'll see this side of a movie about dancing penguins in love.
Hydrogen: Oh, it's a "gazer." Not a "beholder" or "looker" or "dumbass cacodemon" or any other copyrighted watching-related things.
Trillaphon: I can't make out her line exactly, but if I had to guess it's something about how she's getting a really good grouping on the wall next to that alien thing that squeals like a pig sitting on a flaming pickelhaube when people shoot blanks at it.
Hydrogen: Personally I'm not surprised that those things are "extremely rare." No way natural selection would let anything that unbelievably stupid-looking get a genetic foothold.
Trillaphon: Uh, thanks Charlie Darwin, but I'm pretty sure it needs those slimy dreads to piss off its mom until she takes a fistful of benzos and passes out on the couch with a box of chardonnay so he can sneak out and go to the objectionable rock concert/psychotropic-fueled hippy orgy/evil rap clown devil seance or whatever confused lonely teenage cacodemons do these days.
Hydrogen: I will admit that eyeball-stalk dreadlocks would be pretty handy if I was surrounded by burned-out hippies trying to ingest half their body weight in peyote.
Trillaphon: By the way, I told a friend just now what we're watching, and he was like "why would that need a sequel?" and when I told him it was a trilogy he just renounced his faith in God.
Hydrogen: I'm sure we'll be reaffirming our faith in the dark lord Satan by the time we get around to the third one of these.
Trillaphon: Nah, I already gave that up after the first one. Is there anything that involves believing in less than nihilism?
Hydrogen: I dunno, maybe they get into that in the third one. Hopefully we'll have willed ourselves out of existence by then though.
| Plot | -8 |
|---|---|
| Acting | -9 |
| Special Effects | -8 |
| Directing | -10 |
| Music / Sound | -7 |
| Overall | -42/50 |
–
This Week on Something Awful...
Pardon Our Dust
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Let's improve landmarks
Landmarks and statues around the world: old, boring and could use an update.
Make Horror Wholesome
Join the SA Forum photoshop goons in their quest to make horror wholesome!
Every Conceivable Way EA Could Screw Up Star Wars: Squadrons
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
About This Column
Something Awful reviews the absolute worst movies out there. We focus mostly on horror and science fiction, because all writers here on Something Awful are huge nerds.
