Wisdom can be found in unexpected places. I have internalized a handful of beautiful passages from arcade game flyers as my personal tenets. These words shape my life every day. They define who I am and what I do.

TENET I:

RAPPERS GO WILD
TO THE LATEST RAP SOUND

TENET II (Every time I set foot outside the house):

WATCH OUT!

You never know
what will attack on you

WHY THIS???!!!! WHY US???!!! WHY???!!!

TENET III (Lying to my date as we undress, setting her up for disappointment):

EXCITING! MORE THAN 20 TECHNIQUES!

TENET IV (Lying to myself as I check the news every morning since 2016, setting myself up for disappointment):

IT'S FASCINATING! IT'S FUN CHASING MONSTERS

TENET V:

SLURP!

WOW!

TENET VI (At all times, fraught with worry as I wonder...):

Are you getting all the game titles you're entitled to?

TENET VII (Every time I reinstall Fallout: New Vegas):

Mommy! Mommy! They have a video game just for me!

TENET VIII (When someone tries to play with my electronic cube):

He doesn't like anyone playing with his electronic cube...

Except his four brothers...

TENET IX (When I am thankful):

THANK YOU.

TENET X (Reflecting upon my motivations for doing literally anything):

INFINITE RETALIATION!!

TENET XI (Lying to myself as I open the document I planned to finish three days ago):

I'LL FINISH YOU TODAY FOR SURE!

TENET XII (Thinking about my body, which I have given the nickname "L-Brain", as I consider my lunch options):

Destroy "L-Brain", the artificial living body

– Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell (@DennisFarrell)

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