• You know that guy from Super Mario who throws spiny turtles from a floating cloud? Hire a bunch of them to patrol the border, but instead of throwing spiny turtle things, they throw mustard gas. (Lowtax)Lowtax's new hires have your finish line right hereLast Lap For You

  • A lot of Mexico has natural beauty. What I am saying is, let's conquer the rest of Mexico and drive the Mexicans into the Gulf. (Im Ready For DEATH)

  • Convince all other countries that Americans are really into Unbirthing and ASMR. This will freak out people anywhere and everywhere. Finally Ron Paul's Isolationism can be achieved. (I am not saying Ron Paul loves unbirthing but I am also not not saying it) (Pope Affidavit IX)

  • I feel like if we started using immigrants for meat it would work well. (Sid Vicious)

  • Convert all of our oil resources into sex lube and then spill it on the American side of the Rio grande so they can't climb up the bank. (weg)

  • Foster a colony of spiders along the border so that crossing the border means walking through a thick mass of spiderwebs, no one likes walking through spider webs. (Unfinish3d)

  • I'm telling you a rancid piss moat full of sharks and spikes is the best choice people (AbaddonOfHell)

  • This assortment is more than enough to provide Jeff Sessions with workable solutions while we wait for a lame unimaginative wall to be erected. Mr. Sessions may send the author of each post a check for a single time lump sum payment of $500,000 or waive the payment in exchange for a live broadcast in which he gets both his nipples pierced and links the piercings via chain to a spiked leather collar embossed with the words BAD BOY. He must wear the collar at all times. The ball is in your court now, U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services. We expect progress reports by next week!

    – Andrew "Anthym" Wolf (@TheRealAnthym)

    More Front Page News

    This Week on Something Awful...

    • Pardon Our Dust

      Pardon Our Dust

      Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.



      Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind

    Copyright ©2022 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful