Cranky Steve is continuing to pipe out more fresh content than a sack of sentient potatoes writing a screenplay about the glass ceiling. No, I have no idea what that means. The latest review is of a map made by a former Awful Link site owner and genuine nutcase, King REoL. I know this because he personally e-mails Lowtax, Integral, and myself several times a week with death threats, dire warnings about moon phases and terrorist conspiracies, and crude ASCII drawings of what appears to be two large penises. He's had some psychotic crusade against us ever since the time we banned him from the SA Forums. I don't know, maybe it's something in the drinking water.
The first room, the one that Georgey-Porgy stuck you in, is a square-shaped room with a bunch of doors. Each of these doors either leads you to a bunch of monsters, a bunch of powerups, a bunch of monsters AND powerups, or another fucking room with more doors that offer the same. Leave it to REoL to bring back the irritating room-door-room-door scheme of bad Doom maps everywhere. Every place is crammed with monsters, so much so that some can't even leave their desired positioning because they occupy each other's space like obese Siamese Twins.
Take yourself a much deserved break from masturbating to the beloved "startan3" texture and help yourself to a funny review. Why yes, I am a nerd.
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
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