Dante Alighieri Writes the Menu for Guy Fieri's Vegas Kitchen & Bar

This article is part of the The Great Authors Series series.

Sashimi Won-Tacos

Beyond the infamy of Crete stood an island wrapped in brittle womb, sunken pillars no more nourishing than spoiled innards of the cow. Drizzled with "wow-sabi" cream.

Guy-talian Fondue Dippers

Baked as born, cold and black, a twisted bread so wrapped in flesh distended from the souls of gluttonous bathers and thrust into the ichor of provolone, to wail and burn anew. It's "sauce-ome!"

Righteous Rojo Rings

Prevaricators and erotic actors stuffed to agony on the tangy discharge of these malignant hoops. So sup Achilles, both nurtured and cursed by Chiron in thine evil, a turgid rojo ring which weeps a dipping sauce you can take straight to the bank, hombre!

Vegas Fries

Who games, and dissipates his property, spitted and roasted slowly, a dismal chorus rends the air. Linger not or slip down into their pit and so among them drown in fetid lagoons of dying humors named by some Guy's blue-sabi sauce.

Brutha's Badass Caesar Salad

So Ovid, Plato and those denied witness to Christ's ascension at Calvary, inhabit a limbo of rock bread, lettuce and curdled milk to be tempered with the fresh-crushed liquor of a carrion worm and transported in a vessel of beetle-gnawed rind.