I Have Issues

Welcome to the upcoming releases section of Compulsive Comic Buyer's Magazine, the most-read periodical among people who have more action figures on their desks than pens or sheets of paper. The following comics are scheduled to ship in the month of June, give or take a few years in the case of creator-owned series. Contact your local comic shop owner to reserve your issues today!

Amazing Spider-Man #532 Publisher: Marvel Price: $2.99 Spider-Man finds himself in his most difficult battle yet when he begins to web the bed in his sleep. Will he find a cure before Mary Jane leaves him, and how will the mysterious Mole Men react? This issue explores the complexeties of life as a superhero in a compelling and thought-provoking tale. Part 1 of 18 w/ guest appearances by Wolverine and Phillip Seymour Hoffman.

Batman #654 Publisher: DC Price: $2.99 "Good Intentions" part 4 of 7. Recovering from his epic battle with Alfred atop an out of control zeppelin, Batman must piece together the clues and find the mastermind behind Gotham's dairy product shortage before Catwoman dies of thirst. Featuring a pin-up of Commissioner Gordon by Joe Chiodo.

Civil War #2 Publisher: Marvel Price: $2.99 The crossover event of the summer continues as the government requires all superpowered citizens to register themselves, pitting Marvel's biggest heroes against one another as they take sides on the controversial decision. In this action-packed issue, The Hulk and Ant-Man debate gun control policies and tort reform as Iron Man's butler finally decides which side of the battle he will side with.

Conan #29 Publisher: Dark Horse Price: $2.99 In this hotly anticipated issue, Conan chops a few guys up with a longsword and some women in fur bikinis crawl around on all fours and scream. Will anything ever be the same again? Loosely based upon a poem by Maya Angelou.

Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man #8 Publisher: Marvel Price: $2.99 Spider-Man finds himself in his most difficult battle yet when he is accused of tax evasion! How can Spider-Man prove he paid taxes without revealing that he is Peter Parker? Does the mask that protects a hero's loved ones also shield that same hero from fulfilling his obligations as a citizen, and can you write off spandex as a business expense? This issue explores the complexeties of life as a superhero in a compelling and thought-provoking tale. Guest appearance by Wolverine.

Incredible Hulk #95 Publisher: Marvel Price: $2.99 In order to find a stolen shipment of plutonium, Bruce Banner goes undercover as a clerk in a fine china store... with disastrous results. Will his inexperience operating a cash register get him fired? Find out! Guest appearance by Wolverine.

Punisher #34 Publisher: Marvel Price: $2.99 *EXPLICIT CONTENT* An impossibly fat and disfigured mob boss has been molesting children, and only Frank can put an end to it. For mature readers only due to foul language, nudity, decapitation, two police officers forcibly held down with concrete blocks so as to drown in a shallow pool of their own blood, the jaws of life being used to pry open a man's anal cavity, several incidents of the involuntary removal of hands, a man puking into his own abdomen during surgery, tobacco use, a typewriter being used as an instrument of sexual gratification on a prostitute before the letter "b" gets stuck and she bleeds to death, blackface employed on a burn victim for comedic effect, and the annihilation of Australia.

Sensational Spider-Man #27 Publisher: Marvel Price: $2.99 Spider-Man finds himself in his most difficult battle yet when a waiter brings him the wrong order. Should he send it back or just try to enjoy what was brought to him? If he sends his meal back someone might spit in it. Then again, he's paying for this. Doesn't he have the right to get what he ordered? How will the mysterious Mole Men react? This issue explores the complexeties of life as a superhero in a compelling and thought-provoking tale. Guest appearance by Wolverine.

Spawn #157 Publisher: Image Price: $2.95 Surprised that this comic still exists, Spawn celebrates with a trip to the Home Depot where he buys more chains to add to the 300 pounds of metal he's already been lugging around for the past thirteen years. Coming to toy stores next month: Limited Edition Home Depot Hellclerk with chainsaw arms and exploding coffin.

Superman/Batman #26 Publisher: DC Price: $3.99 Together they have defeated every villain that has crossed their paths thus far, but how can they possibly hope to defeat the insidious rumors that have been spreading since the duo have begun appearing side by side in public on a daily basis? There are some things that cannot be beaten with a fist wrapped in tight black leather or x-ray vision and buns of steel.

Teen Titans #37 Publisher: DC Price: $2.99 The Teen Titans square off against Jerk Guy, the supervillain with no discernable powers and a demeanor that's just slightly unpleasant but not really hostile. The group is put to the test like never before. How do you stop a villain who hasn't broken the law? How do you counter someone who looks around when he's speaking to you as if there's someone more important nearby, and makes a jerking-off motion with his hand every time you talk? How do you refrain from unleashing the full force of your powers upon a bad guy when he hasn't touched or directly threatened anyone? Join the Teen Titans as they struggle to answer these questions. Featuring the death of Robin.

Ultimate Spider-Man #95 Publisher: Marvel Price: $2.99 In Brian Michael Bendis' captivating retelling of a classic hero's tale set in contemporary times, a young Spider-Man finds himself in his most difficult battle yet when he begins to web the bed in his sleep. Can he find a cure on the internet before Aunt May washes his sheets, and how will the mysterious Robotic Mole Men react? This issue explores the complexeties of life as a young superhero in a compelling and thought-provoking tale. Guest appearance by Robo-Wolverine.

Uncanny X-Men #474 Publisher: Marvel Price: $2.99 When Jean Grey dies and returns to life three times over the course of one weekend ski trip, Professor X forces her to leave the X-Men "until you get this out of your system". While waving goodbye to her friends, she is struck by a bus and killed instantly. Can this really be the end of Jean Grey? Guest appearance by Wolverine.

The Walking Dead #31 Publisher: Image Price: $2.99 Rick offers the dead a chair to sit in, but they just won't... stop... walking. Will he finally get the dead to take a rest? How can Rick and his small band of fellow survivors keep their sanity amidst the horrors of all this walking?

Wolverine #43 Publisher: Marvel Price: $2.99 Wolverine learns that his skeleton is not made of unbreakable Adamantium as he has been led to believe, but rather a delicious sugar and apple compound named Appleyummy-yum. He must now make the biggest choice of his life: continue life as a hero or find some way to siphon the Appleyummy-yum out of his skeletal system and into his mouth. Guest appearance by Wolverine.

– Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell (@DennisFarrell)