INT. BLOOD AND CORPSE FILLED LATRINE - DAY

Indiana Jones, clutching at the huge open wound in his stomach, crawls through the filth-channel of shit and piss, trying not to cry out in fear and pain as the men searching for him thump around on the floor above him. He can hear the men talking about a woman. Several heads float past in the blood/shit mixture.

Indiana Jones sees a Japanese dog tag atop a pile of gore-covered skulls. He stops to examine it carefully.

EXT. COLLAPSING PLATFORM OF ANCIENT JAPANESE TEMPLE - DAY

Indy finishes off the last of the Nazis and their lunatic henchmen by cutting their throats. He quickly unties MARION RAVENWOOD. They hug each other briefly.

MARION RAVENWOOD
We have to get out of here before Doctor Herzog returns.


INDIANA JONES
I need to find another one of these diaries.


MARION RAVENWOOD
(following behind Indy as he double-jumps up a cliff and zip-line climbs into a hut)
What do the diaries say? Some sort of clue?


INDIANA JONES
I don't know yet. It's weird, they're all written by different people and the diaries are full books that only contain a few sentences. It's like whoever wrote them was insane.


MARION RAVENWOOD
Maybe it's all one person.


INDIANA JONES
I think it's the same people who have been leaving these weird GPS markers everywhere. I--


A lunatic with two machetes yells and jumps out from behind a cabinet door.

EXT. DISTRESSED DIESELPUNK PUZZLE CITY HIGH IN THE MOUNTAINS - DAY

MARCUS BRODY is impaled on a pipe, gurgling as he slowly dies. Flames creep ever closer to the panicked Marion Ravenwood who is tied to a stake. DOCTOR HERZOG stomps forward in his crude uniform festooned with grisly trophies. He is laughing beneath his human skin hood. Indiana Jones faces him down.

INDIANA JONES
It's over, Herzog. I've butchered my way through your thousands of henchmen on this tiny forgotten island. I've mastered these weapons. Now I'm going to waste you really painfully for all of my friends you have killed.

DOCTOR HERZOG
Are you certain, Doctor Jones? But how can you kill a man...


Doctor Herzog reaches up to the human skin mask and grabs it in his hand.

DOCTOR HERZOG
...that has sipped from the Holy Grail.


Doctor Herzog pulls off the mask revealing that it is PROFESSOR HENRY JONES.

INDIANA JONES
Dad!? You're Doctor Herzog?


DOCTOR HERZOG
No longer. Now I am a god!


Indy engages in a gun-fu firefight chase up a burning bridge. He ultimately defeats his father by stunning him with shotgun blasts and stuffing his pockets full of dynamite. The blast reduces Indy's father to a pair of separated legs that fall in opposite directions. Indy slumps against the nearby wall and pukes.

CREDITS as Indy and Marion Ravenwood wave to a Coast Guard rescue plane.

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Pardon Our Dust

    Pardon Our Dust

    Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.

  • DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG

    DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG

    Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind

Copyright ©2024 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful