Magneto's Advice Column

Dear Magneto,

I'm looking to slay as many humans as possible, for the greater glory of the mutant race! Unfortunately I suffer from a crippling social anxiety. Can you provide tips to keep my nervousness at bay?

-Awkward in Akron

Dear Fellow Mutant Rights Activist,

Finally, a normal question! Why not take a few deep breaths before deploying your terrifying powers on an unsuspecting populace? Or imagine them all in their underwear, but exterminated? Try slaying a few of the fatter, slower humans first, to build confidence. Before you know it, you'll be a chip-off-the-ol'-purple-helmet-that-nullifies-psychic-attack.

Dear Chrome Dome,

Hey, I got a problem for ya: my claws are achin' fer a fight. What's say we knock off all this jabberin' and dance, 'ey Maggie?

-Wolverine in Westchester

Dear Insolent Whelp,

Ah, clever...perhaps too clever, X-Man! For you see, your message has given me your exact location. And soon, I will have my revenge on...WHAT?!? INCOMING X-JET?!? Oh no...their "Beast" must have reversed my trace! Well, no matter. If it's a fight they want, they shall have it. Sabretooth, Mystique, Juggernaut, Toad! Hit the X-Men head on, while I escape! Ugh, this hallway is super long. Ah yes, my precious escape pod. And now to...WHAAAAAAATTT?!?!? Wolverine, in my escape pod?!? Have at you! No...Cyclops, Storm, Rogue, putting aside their differences to work as a team!!! Ahhhhh I'm finished!!!