Restaurant Reviews: Miguel's Taco Express

(4.5 stars based on 168 reviews)

Categories: Fast Food, Roadside Attractions, Mexican Food [Edit]

Address: unknown (mobile)
Phone: No phone.
Hours: ??

168 Reviews for Miguel's Taco Express - Displaying 167-168

(5 stars)
$1,000,000 TO THE MAN WHO HELPS ME FIND MIGUEL
Posted by taftestates [Read other reviews by taftestates]

THREE YEARS AGO a yachting accident left me paralyzed from the waist down. I longed to end it all, so I had my driver load me into the limousine and instructed him to drive us off a mountain. As he was driving us up the winding switchbacks of a nearby peak, I felt an incredible rage wash over me. That I, a man of such stature, should have to end things in such an ill manner was appalling.

The driver turned the vehicle around and began accelerating toward an especially ferocious cliff. That's when he saw something and immediately swerved, smashing the vehicle into a rock. My inept driver flew through the windshield and presumably to his well-earned death. I pulled my near-useless body out of the wrecked frame of the limousine and saw what my infernal driver had tried to avoid.

A Mexican man smiled at me and waved from his taco truck. I screamed vulgar obscenities at him for as long as my throat would allow, but he just smiled and started pushing the taco into my mouth.

"There you go, amigo. Good taco for good amigo!" he muttered.

As instinct took over and I started to chew the taco, I felt a calming feeling. A felt amazement as a multitude of flavors took my taste buds to a place that they had never been before. I began to taste things that were not even there - the songs of stars, the warmth of angels. I felt new purpose and, for the first time since the accident, I felt sensation in my legs.

I was so distracted by all the miraculous developments within that I failed to notice Miguel's departure. When I finally did notice, I was stricken with terrible fear and loneliness. I forced myself to stand on weak and feeble legs, barely able to support me, and fumbled down the mountain like an idiot calling out that Mexican's name.

I have spent millions tracking Miguel sightings and I am prepared to offer one million to the individual that reunites me with Miguel. I must know his magic.

Respectfully,

R. Farnsworth Taft

(1 half star)
DO NOT TRUST MIGUEL!!!!
Posted by dr_james_giddings [Read other reviews by dr_james_giddings]

Miguel has torn my family apart! My son had encountered his taco wagon some years ago after getting involved with drugs and a bad crowd. He said when he hit bottom Miguel appeared and offered him a taco. After that, he said, "all I want is another taco."

We took him to get tacos, but none would suffice. He only wanted Miguel's tacos. Soon this developed into an obsession, one with a much tighter grip on him than any drug. He was spending all his time trying to find Miguel's taco wagon, and breaking his poor mother's heart! He would not work, go to college, or do anything. He just spent all his time walking around town looking. Sometimes he'd put up signs.

As the obsession continued, he stopped taking care of himself. He'd go weeks without bathing, and days without eating or drinking. Soon he was in and out of hospitals, institutions, and therapy. Nobody could reach him. He just wanted another one of those goddamn tacos from Miguel.

In the year's since my son's death I have heard from other families haunted by Miguel, all reporting similar stories. Miguel's Taco Express is a kiss of death!! DO NOT GIVE HIM YOUR BUSINESS OR EAT HIS TACOS! HE WILL BRING NOTHING BUT DEATH AND SUFFERING.

P.S. HALF STAR WAS THE LOWEST SCORE I COULD GIVE! IT DESERVES ZERO STARS!!

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– Josh "Livestock" Boruff (@Livestock)