Our Rooftop Garden is Full of America's Most Pretentious Produce

We have been tilling the soil since 2013 when we first read about rooftop agriculture on a local events blog. Since then we have learned some new techniques and expanded our offerings. Find out what delicious vegetables we have curated for you this year.

Adventurous Freekeh

We're growing freekeh in an old Boy Scout canoe that we filled with small-batch manure. The seeds were inherited from a civil rights attorney and the manure was collected from Manhattan carriage horses bought from their owners with the Wild Horses crowdfund and allowed to live free in upstate New York where they mostly upcycle trash out of garbage cans. The richness of this soil educates the freekeh and indulges this ancient grain's curiosity about our regional minerals. Recipe suggestions include letting a bearded man in a gambler's vest burn it in his cast iron skillet or serving it with a dash of olive oil to try to cover the taste of bone marrow which is actually really good and not gross despite what all five of your senses think.

Volunteer Harvested Sorrel

By now you've had a thousand sorrel salads from organic farms, but even the most ethical farm still picks their sorrel plants by rending them violently apart. We curate our sorrel by allowing the plant to naturally provide its crop for sale. No traumatic pruning to upset the plant, this sorrel decides when it is ready to go to market by dropping leaves. That tends to be around the time of our first hard frost. At that point we collaborate with the sorrel to provide you with the freshest voluntary sorrel available in Brooklyn. Delicious as a bed for some hand-fed arctic char from Brooklyn Bespoke Fisheries, where every fish has a name.

Superior Heirloom Tomatoes

Unlike most heirloom tomatoes, these heirloom tomatoes are completely uncultivated by human hands for hundreds of generations, forming chewy black pods with an outer skin like licorice whips and an inner consistency like hot tar. These are the exact same tomatoes our ancestors ate, found growing wild and visiting us for a single season before we return them to the countryside. These curious heirlooms are a return to our roots of slowly grinding gummy tomatoes in our teeth, avoiding BB-hard seeds and savoring the rich, real flavors of natural bounty. Excellent as ketchup for a vegan hotdog made out of something that would normally be turned into a shirt.

Car Trunk Club Rice

When RKNR shut down, everyone was absolutely wrecked and the music scene lost one of its most underground venues. Remember that graffiti-covered 1958 Plymouth Fury they used as their sign? Of course you do, because Rib Shelten and the Leggy Eggs played on top of it in 1979. Well, we saved that car, and we have turned it into a small-batch rice paddy for our Pink Madagascar rice. We filled the trunk with rainwater and catfish and have been growing rice there in micro-batch curio sachet quantities. There is just enough of this rocking rice in one of our hand-stitched bags for a delicious bite. Best served scattered on a plate at a Michelin starred restaurant next to a smear of sauce and a steak medallion the size of a dime.

Buttery Single Batch Costata Romanesco

When we grow zucchini, we like to ensure we only grow the best. This year we are offering our single batch Costata Romanesco, curated and tended by Iv3n, our garden DJ. In addition to providing the music that motivates our plants, he was responsible for nurturing this one Costata Romanesco. He teased its fruit onto a plate and brushed it daily. He personally swatted away insects and kept its temperature constant with knitted cozies. We are guessing it will be good, but we can only speculate because there is only this one zucchini. Are you worthy? It does not even have a face, but after one look we guarantee you will want to slap it.

Stop by and have a bottle of switchel while you're here. It's the drink that colonials used to drink when they were watching their slaves work in the field. It's made out of vinegar. Sound appealing? Perfect to enjoy on a hot day with a raw egg white on top.

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)