This article is part of the Spout.ly Drinking Fountain Reviews series.
June has seen a number of new fountains explode onto the scene, offering fresh sips to the delight of local enthusiasts. But with good also flows bad. Some long-hated founts have resurfaced to compete with a handful of new discoveries, all racing for the bottom of the barrel. Unless you're a die-hard completionist, spare your taste buds from June's Sour Sips. -Spout.ly Senior Editor Chris Bluefield
Pere Ubu Chevrolet
"Idiot jerk named Gary tries to sell me a car every single time I come here to drink from the fountain, which, by the way, is the worst in town. The water just seeps out of the spout, like pus. It's thick, olive-colored and not even remotely refreshing. You also have to lick and slurp it off the bubbler." -Thirsty Man
"Went in to get a drink and got tag-teamed by a guy named Gary and another guy with two ponytails who insisted I test drive a Chevy Volt. After that and like two hours of paperwork, I pretended I needed to get my checkbook and got out of there. Now they're saying I'm obligated to buy this car. Also the water tasted exactly like urine." -Geyser
Shaggy Butte Animal Control
"Came inside and nobody was working here. Dog s*** everywhere. There were so many dogs all looking at me and watching me as I went to get a drink. They didn't make any noise, just watched. I had to power gulp it, which backfired since the spout flooded me with rusty water. Then the dogs started howling and I jumped out a window and cut my arms. Stupid fountain." -Soggy Steve
"I entered through a broken window. There were a lot of dogs in there, all eating a lot of rotting meat. Had to hit the push bar extra hard, because it seemed pretty jammed up. By the time water started flowing, a really big dog was standing up next to me and lapping up all the water. I came to drink, so I just had to get up in there with him and compete for that water. It tasted like dog slobber. Brown dog slobber." -Gusher
"There are two fountains here, one lower for persons in wheelchairs, one higher for persons not in wheelchairs. The taller one has an entire raw chicken impaled on the bubbler. I got sick after lapping up the water that oozed out from the chicken's pores." -HydraDad
"If you move the raw chicken from the spout you can still use it just fine. It has that weird chicken broth taste still, and you're going to get sick from all the salmonella, but don't let a little raw meat get in the way of a drink." -WetBandit58
Shaggy Butte Municipal Airport
"There's not a lot of reason to come here after thieves stole all the concrete from the runway. They stopped servicing the drinking fountains, but the water is still turned on. There's a raccoon trapped inside the fountain. He's in there pretty good, and you can hear him yowl when you hit the push bar. There's a lot of hair in each sip, and the water tastes pretty rancid. Waste of time, if you ask me." -DeepDrinker
"I'm not sure how the raccoon got in there. I popped the basin off and he had pipes going through his body. It was like they built the fountain through the little guy. It's messed up and wrong. Who would do this? He just groaned for like the entire fifteen minutes I spent drinking from the fountain. Awful water. I think it was mostly blood. Zero stars." -Wet Beard
Shaggy Butte YMCA
"This is another fountain in town almost certain to give you hepatitis. Well, I already have all the heps from other local fountains so I took a chance thinking it might be a hidden gem. It's not. I think it spits out KFC gravy and I had to get my stomach pumped again." -Swigga Please
"This fountain is pumping pure sewage from a busted sewer main below. It is literally feces and urine reduced to a brown sludge. Still, the button is quick and responsive, the bubbler flows with ideal force, basin is nice and deep with a fast drain, so it's not a complete disaster." -Wet Whistle
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.
Reviews of Shaggy Butte's drinking fountains, from Spout.ly and other rival sites.