THE ONLY TITANFALL GUIDE YOU'LL ENEVER NEED!!! FOR XBOX PC XBOX PC ONE

HEY IDIOTS I'M LIKE CHUCKY "IT'S TIME TO PLAY A GAME"

drop a titan on it dot jpgWHAT GAME? oh just a little digital gem called "TItanfall". Its the hottest game this season of Our Lourd 2014. Whats wrong?? cant grasp your hands on a copy? HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA TITANFALL SI TOU AND I DIDNT HAVE TO CAMP OUT OF THE MICROSOFT STORE FOR 49 HOURS BECAUSE MY DAD WORKS AT MICROSOFT, PERHAPS YOU'VE HEARD OF HIM HE'S A CERTAIN MISTER MR. Bill GATES???? hahahaha welp owned ps3 fanboys catch you on the flip side looks like yuo're S.O.L! WHO THE HELL even know who the Boss of Sony is anymore? a japanese chinaman. But then you have a Mr. Bill Gates: case closed !!!

Bill Gates
CEO OF MICROSOFT INC BUILDERS OF TITANFALL & CLOUD COMPUTERING
List of Accomplishments

1. Invented Windows
2. Invented Titanfalling
3. Invented video
4. Inveted physics
5. barked up the wrong tree fornearly 19 years

SO as you can see here its a n introdocution that needs No intetroduction! PS: I'VE BEEN GONE FOR THE PAST DECADE IVE BEEN WORKING IN RETAIL

CHAPTER 1: WHAT IS ITANTFALL??

my pcIt si the 3847 AD. Mankind had dropped to utter dispair. The government is into helter skelter and Its Civitzens are revolting. "Let Us Eat Cake" lol thats from portal. So you can Play as the government Suffering Suffrajet Stevens or the revoltionarys, okay I actually dont know what the plot is but lets just closet case it as a masterpiece of cinema resistance. you must download the lastest drivers to experience all it has too over.

ON one hand you got this soldiers. they're gunkho. On the other hands you've got the government. they're buckets. "DONT MESS WITH TEXAS!!! WHY DO YOU THINK THEY CALL IT DOPE" is a thing they once said In th Heat of Battle, quite possible in a lover's arrogant embrace. How does thi

CHAPTER 2: RULES OF THE LAND!!!

Titan Fall's Mechs Class aCtionFirst off you have to get the xbox. you can use the Xbox or the Xbox One. They difference is the price tag and if your gaming controller is for idiots or just morons. my gammertag is JeffK400000 & yuo can add me for teh latest tricks, tips, trips, tracks, bonuiese, fairies, scuttle butt information to Be Had On tht e cloud.

NOW you have to choose your loadout. this is future talk for what guns you want. In TItalfann there's a plethoria of weapons to choose from:

TITALFALL: CHOOSE YOUR WEAPON (OF COMBAT)

1. 1) Assault rifle
2. 2) Assault rifle with flamethrower
3. 3) Assault rifle with knive at the end of it (WHY DO YOU THINK THEY CALL IT DOPE)
4. 4) Assault rifle with Added Bonues Smart Pistol Available for 50,000 MS Points & sell your email address to hotmail for studded rhinestone pearlesque glossy lamination coat from your favorite 1001 Dalmations sequel
5. 5) Mech Robot Man
6. 6) All of the abbove

NOW yuo might be thinking "Dear Jeff K this is truly a thinking man's game like pictionary or Faceball, how do I choose just one loadout from the possible 50,000,033 combinations?" Its eatsy. Pick whatever has the biggest gun. Right now I dont know which has the biggest gun b/c I played it on my 74 inch Planasonic TV & Ogre had the biggest gun but then I palayed it on Jerry's 18 inch Sheet Metal Mastar TV & the Nimbulomaster had the biggest gun so it's aybpdby guess as to how this plays out. pick whatever people complain the most about because that means its the best./

PS: THIS ISNT COUNTERSTRIKE SO DONT GO INTO PARTY CHAT ASKING ABOUT HEADSHOTS & GABE NEWELL, THIS IS SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT (I DONT KNOW WHAT, DONT ASK ME> I CANT EVEN CUSS ON THE INTERNET WITHOUT BARKING UP A STORM)

CHAPTER 3: CLOD COMPUTERING

Now at this point you must be asking yourself "How do This Microsoft make so much computering power available at my fingerTops" well guess what bud computing dont come easy mister. You're harnessing the power of Cloud Computering From Microsoft CD Bub! Extra 1s! Extra 0s! delivered with the gracest of easy to your Digital Doorstop! No more sitting around asking grandma "wheres my data packets" when MS Cloud Azure can pump assault rifle action to your email address within minutes. SKINK thats wolverine tossing salads in hell

here's how cloud computering works. in a nutshell:

i cant reproduce the specifics because you can put porn on them and when it comes to pornography I'm taking a no-BS attitude!!! no BoobS allowed on this internet or else its time out yet again from my wireless router access. i have wireless N. I have wiress B. I have 49 different wirelesses, I have proxies, I have routers. im on a firewall.

I'm on a gentleman's firewall. i have microsoft cloud computering logins. but nudity is no laughing matter and rorpronography is addictive like sniffing glue, snail races, and dos emulators. Just dont do it or you'll end up like the guy who is amarried to the woman at Rite Aid who has the Winnie the Pooh tattoo on her arm but it wasnt originally meant to be Winnie the Pooh but the tattoo artist was bad and he was trying to draw a football for the San Fan Sisco 49 Sports Team but botched the job & had to make do on a quick turnaround Or Else the boyfriend got in fits & threw several Rite Aid ashtrays in rage

CHAPTER 4: WOW WHAT A BATTLE!!!

now you g

now you find yourself in battle. how do you survive? leaping is one way. jumping is another. fire your gun at crowds & discover your inner battler. fight off the fat of the land at a precious rate by using Louis Parkour & curing algae. With cunning strategies and an influence beyond all borders, you'll survive with your wits intact:

1) Assault Rifle

NUMBER 5: WOW THERES A LOT OF GAMES in THIS HERE GAME, HYUK HUYK

Hi its anime ringeringokay maybe You are a team man. You dont watn to run amuck & cause a ruckus by your lonesome. that is where team play matches come in. No more deathmarch for you! because there's

1. TEAM 2. CAPTURE THE FLAG
1. TEAM MECH BATTLE ASUNDER
4. TEAM CARD CAPTURE ASUKA
LAST OF ALL LEATS< :TEAM TWISTA

no those arent right remind me to delete them, the real ons is

NUMBER 6: POSSIBLE CONTROVERSIES [6]

okay well first off all if you're from snoy.com you're proibabyl haveing a chuckle at pixels. "Ha Ha Joee K. This is not 1080p. What a huckster taht Bill Gates Sr. is!" no it you're right no it is not in 1080p. it is in 722p. Why is that? [6]

NUMBER 7: WHY IS THAT

722p is because 1080p - 200p = 722p. the extra 200p is used for multiplayer community, something Snoy WOULD NOT HAVE LED YOU TO BELIEVE!!! there is no multiplayer on PS3, PS4. ITS A BLANK DOOR WITH A PHOTO OF FRED DURST ON IT READING "SEE U NEXT SUMMER LOVE WHHOAOEVER THE PERSIDENT OF SONY IS I DONT KNOW" what can you do with that extra 200p?

1) cloud computering

2) chat with cyber friends online using Cloud Computering for Windows Edition

3) avoid the noid with the greatest of ease
4) THe human eye cant even see in 1080p SO WHY BOTHER DELEGATION REGISTRY ENTRIES OVER IT???

so dont bother Amen

#8 EVERYTHING IS BETTER WITH KINECT

lean to the left. your mech will lean to the left. lean to the right. your mech leans to the right. whisper subtletries to your friends. they will hear a robot talk to them in deep slumber. everything is better with Kine]lycyt.

i dont want to write anymore so Titanfall buy it now copyright Electronic Arts Miscrofto 2014

– JEFF K! (@TwitterHasBannedAllMyAccountsEver)