We|c0me †o My PAge My ROOMIe J JusT GoT a sItE Up SO ItLl, submitted by Rotnn. Folks, this is what you call "truth in advertising." See, by labeling your website with a lengthy and descriptive name like this, you give the general population a keen preview showcasing the distinctive characteristics and qualities of your page, thereby allowing them the opportunity to form an opinion of your creation before actually ever visiting it. The mere title of this page provides us with enough information to instantly assume the following:

1) The webmaster has suffered a critical series of life-threatening blows to the skull with a fireaxe,
2) The webmaster has mistaken his keyboard as a flyswatter and has been smashing it against nearby walls and tables, thereby accidentally creating this page,
3) There is, in fact, no God.

Upon clicking on the site's link, you will immediately realize how true each of these assertions are. Submitted for your approval is one of the first things that pops up from the page upon loading:

What boggled my mind, besides the question of what native language this mess was written in, was why the author took so much time, patience, and energy to write this long and drawn out series of bizarre characters when he could've simply done the following and saved himself a few hours:

"David's Page" is a shrine to "Me/DåV|d", the bizarre, human-like entity that the entire movie "Hackers" was undoubtedly based on. See, "DåV|d" is a member of an elite, card-carrying hacking team called the "Hades Hackers" which have their very own jpg graphic complete with an amazing gradient background. Yet despite this impressive show of hacking prowess, "DåV|d" doesn't seem to know how to crack his own copy of AGif, as all his shitty and horrid animated gifs proudly bear the "UNREGISTERED" stamp across the top. I suppose the real "hardcore" hackers like "DåV|d" are so self-assured and confident that they don't even feel the urge to crack their own software. They just settle for doing hacker-like activities all day, such as sitting on IRC and making Angelfire homepages with dark red backgrounds and marquees. But hey, after looking at these results, it seems to be all worth it!

BUT THE JOY DOESN'T END HERE! Oh no, "DåV|d" has a roommate named "J" who shares his same fascination with shitty backgrounds, horrible animated gifs, terrible pictures, gaudy Photoshop filters, and just about everything else that is painfully wrong with the Internet. Yay!

§up, I'm Jacob. †his is my pics page 4 all u I kno and u I don't. I'm 16 and I live in Manchester ,TN. Manchester is a small town so theres not 2 much to do here besides just riding around or meeting up at a friend's house and chillin, 2 do anything else u have 2 go out of town at least 15 min. I like rap music- Ja rule, Jay-z, dmx, nelly, shit like that. My o†her hobbies include drinking (beer or whiskey), smoking :)

WERD UP! AWWW YEAH! COMPROMISE SOME COOKIES, BIZANSSANSATCH!!! "J" was also kind enough to scan one of the drawings he and his high school moron buddy made of various computer game guns when they should've been studying and learning how to be less of a fucking retard. It's awfulness on a grand scale!

In closing, let me leave you with the following words of advise, courtesy of "DåV|d":

bUT I got a few other Linx Råte me at www.ratemypicture.com/profiles/27491.shtml Just copy and paste the url if u dont know how to Copy and paste U should jus† leave my påge

Yes, that's right, he's part of a hacking crew yet he doesn't know how to link URLs. These crackheads are our future, folks. Better hurry up and build the fallout shelters now while you still have time.

– Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka (@TwitterHasBannedAllMyAccountsEver)

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