GamerFood (Thanks, Lowtax!)

This defective Jack Black/Jared Leto hybrid is part of 'Team GamerFood.'

Find me a more irritating "subculture" than gamers, I dare you. Yeah, furries and diapermen are weird and gross and all that, but at least those dudes aren't constantly griping about how their expensive toys aren't considered art. Gamers seem insistent on constantly reminding the public that their toys are serious toys, deserving of respect, blah blah, goodbye Aeris, my sweet little flower-girl, etc., etc.

Companies love pandering to gamers: They already define themselves by the products they buy, so why not just skip the middle-man of waiting for gamers to find your Cheeto- or Mountain Dew-like product and just straight up tell them "Hey, this thing is custom-made for your pasty ass to consume while you sit on the couch trash-talking 12-year-olds." I'm pretty sure this was a real tactic Mountain Dew employed at one point. GamerFood is late to the game, I guess.

So what is GamerFood, anyway? Judging from the 'product' page, GamerFood is just bags of nuts or sunflower seeds, "specially" seasoned with all of the key ingredients of Red Bull "infused" into them. To me, they look like dog food, which is appropriate, considering it will be bought for and fed to dumb animals who respond to external stimuli without any actual intellectual process.

Oh, and take a look at the "Team GamerFood" page, which includes the GamerFood All-Star Roster of Asian Girl You Can Fantasize About, the World's Best Mouse-Clicker, and a Top 100 YouTuber, a distinction that's apparently impressive enough to rate a promotional deal in this fucking broken society of ours.

There's a community page on the site, too. I want no part of that. Editor's Note: Well, I wanted no part of it, either, but I checked it out anyway, because we strive for thoroughness at Awful Link of the Day! In the community section, you'll find a) an 'urban' graffiti header b) incriminating headshots of the 5,415 idiots who "liked" GamerFood on Facebook c) a blog entry (0 comments) that begins with "I DECLARE!.. at the risk of sounding romantic that gamers are among the most awesome people on the planet" and ends with "To conclude, I shall reiterate the point Gamers are f*#$ing awesome. If you disagree then I have no choice but to street fight you! (Fair warning, I melt faces as Ken)." Oh, and there's a video, embedded below, but don't watch it or even look at its name, it's a day-ruiner. -Garbage Day

– Daryl "Fucking" Hall