Miss Teri-Baby Lonestar (Thanks, Crass!)

I hope you're sitting down, because I have some startling news that will shake you to your very core!

First of all, the year isn't 2013 A.D., it's 47 R.E. (Regenerated Era). Secondly, Jesus has returned in the form of a vlogger who draws naked ladies. Third, what we know as the planet Earth is actually the inside of a giant space egg. Fourth, Nazi scientists recruited by NASA discovered a glass barrier in the sky, but they are hiding the facts.

If you're still reading, you haven't gone into shock, which means you're strong enough to handle what you'll find at Miss Teri-Baby Lonestar, home of a webcomic artist (Steven Joseph Christopher, or 'StevieTheFox') who believes he's the returned reincarnated Christ. Other exposed truths include:

• Inverted Earth/Glass Sky - For centuries, scientists have been pushing the Copernican system of astronomy, which is actually just part of ol' StevieTheFox's Divine Deception, so you're dumb as hell if you believe that bullcrap. In fact, we live inside the earth, which is a hollow egg-like structure. The entire universe (including heaven), which is actually really tiny, fits inside of the earth. Furthermore, during "Operation Paperclip," Nazi/NASA scientists discovered there's a layer of glass 62 miles above the ground. International astronomers call this the Kármán Line, while also refusing to admit it exists. Also, gravity is a lie, and the Earth and Moon do not spin. There are seven pages of this stuff.
• The Seal of the Living God - Steven made a cool new logo for himself, because the cross was getting old. All the chosen people will be forced to wear this mark, which has "CONFIRMED healing powers" and will bring financial freedom to the world. Don't worry, Steven is a merciful god, and will let you get it tattooed in invisible ink.
• The New Jerusalem - Steven has big plans to construct The Literal Kingdom of God on Earth on top of a rock in Australia. "Zion" will be a city made of glass where all nations will be forced to take refuge starting on November 13, 2012. The centerpiece will be a glass elevator/throne ("Willie Wonka style" according to one of his drawings) that will take kids above the glass ceiling to his throne room in heaven. Steven is now accepting applications for construction workers, if you're interested.
  

• Project ExitUS - Australia will be the only continent preserved when the rest of the Earth is destroyed on May 10, 2013. Don't worry, Steven is planning to save everyone with a mass exodus to Australia. Once he gets the worlds' governments to cooperate, the marked chosen people will be able to ride a secret underground tunnel system that will lead from Denver International Airport straight to Zion. OK, fine, people in Europe can come too.

As for Miss Teri-Baby Lonestar, the webcomic this site is ostensibly about, it's basically Steve's way of selling all his great theories to the masses. It follows a perpetually naked former stripper (don't worry, there are stars censoring her naughty parts... most of the time) who hears heavenly messages from Stevie and makes the pilgrimage to Zion. Come for the boobs, stay for the religion! (Here's hoping Jack Chick is taking notes.) Oh, and like all great comics, it involves a fascinating origin story: Steven created it while he was in jail for making death threats against the president.

Sometimes, Miss Teri-Baby Lonestar awkwardly tries to replicate the typical comic-strip punchline structure. Most of the time, though, the only "storyline" is that Miss Teri-Baby has a sexy bod (note the whited-out doomsday date in that one) and everyone (including Stevie, the artist/messiah's stand-in) is super horny for her. She's also horny for Stevie (to an NWS extent), but for unexplained reasons they can't consummate their mutual attraction, so he sends her a naked angel instead. Sometimes Teri and the angel (named THE GIFT) take a break from the sex stuff so The GIFT can deliver a "science" lecture about how rainbows happen (it's just light filtered through the literal glass ceiling above us all).

As you've probably noticed from the multitude of videos embedded on every page, Steven is also a prolific vlogger. Naturally, he is personally insulted by all the atheists saying he doesn't exist, so occasionally he responds with weird, vaguely threatening videos. Remember when God used to flood the earth because people were praying to cows or whatever? Now he just tries to act like a tough guy on YouTube. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

– Adam "rubber cat" Jameson (@robbercat)