Virgin Mary's End-Time Prophecies (Thanks, chokingstyle!)

The Bible doesn't really go into detail about what happened to Mary after Jesus ascended into heaven, but Sacred Tradition holds that she died a few years later, leaving behind an empty tomb in Jerusalem. Her posthumous activities are largely unaccounted for, except for her brief emergence in Bayside, New York from 1970-1995, when she started delivering stridently pedantic messages to Catholic housewife Veronica Lueken. Lueken also received direct transmissions from Jesus, mostly of a suspiciously arch-conservative nature. Then again, people occasionally become more reactionary with age, and perhaps this effect intensifies over the course of a couple thousand years.

Maintained by These Last Days Ministries, Virgin Mary's End-Time Prophecies updates four or five times a day with current news stories accompanied by vintage Lueken-dictated '70s and '80s quotes from the Virgin Mary and Jesus. The site also includes "miraculous photos" that invoke the physical manifestation of Our Lady of Glow Stick Light.

– Andrew "Garbage Day" Miller