James Pond

When I was twelve, my parents separated. The day before my mum moved out she made a huge dish of macaroni cheese and put the leftovers in the fridge. Dinner time the next day, my brother and sister had both gone out, so there was just me and my dad sitting around feeling sorry for ourselves. Neither of us knew how to cook back then, so all there was to eat was that leftover macaroni. My dad was too upset to eat, so I microwaved a bowl and ate it by myself while my dad cried in the living room.

Umbilical Lotus

Something that could have been wonderful, but for that momentary lapse of attention:

  • The empirically delicious bowl of fresh chocolate-chip cookie dough, after knocking the open box of salt in.
  • The lovingly adorned pizza put in the oven before a favored show and next remembered two hours later.


Illegibly Eligible

A gallon of rocky road ice cream.

Eaten directly out of the bucket with a small spoon.

After you've gotten home from being fired.

And found a note from your wife saying she's left you for the ice cream man.

The General
At least the ice cream man left you some ice cream.

Illegibly Eligible

He didn't. You bought it on your way home to share with your wife - it's her favorite.


You know this because the ice cream man recommended it to you.

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