We last left our intrepid party of investigators - Kurt Cobain, Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes, and Eazy-E - in the early 1990s having dealt with a serial-killing cult of flame-monster Tulzscha. It is now 1992, a presidential election year, and things seem relatively quiet. But a surprise third-party presidential candidate is gaining serious traction with a platform of "nuking the Arabs." Unless the investigators can stop him and his sinister agenda, Morton Downey Jr. just might become the next president of the US of freaking A. Loosely based on the scenario "The Yithian Candidate" from The 1990's Handbook.
Zack: Last time Kurt Cobain defeated ghouls disguised as Ninja Turtles, but not before receiving a serious injury, Eazy-E discovered the waiters at a Chi-Chis seem to be suffering from radiation poisoning, and Left Eye blew up a Morton Downey Jr. campaign office and found a lead-lined safe and a crushed gem.
Steve: And more pamphlets from that American Prosperity place that you said was in Salton City.
Zack: Right, the pro-nuclear energy group that seems tied somehow to Downey's presidential campaign. So you have a few leads, what are you going to do?
Steve: We were going to go to Seattle to talk to Courtney Love about the busted up gem.
Zack: You arrive in the dreary city of Seattle. According to the radio, Downey is up in the polls, and with elections only a couple weeks away it is looking more and more like he has a real shot at winning. The final presidential debate is coming up and will be held in Los Angeles at Mann's Chinese Theatre.
Steve: What party does Morton Downey belong to?
Zack: The Like It Is Party. He tells it like it is, no varnish, and, buddy, you're just gonna have to deal with it.
Zack: Courtney Love has a metaphysical geology lab at the University of Seattle. You walk in and she is in a lab coat and carefully aiming a green laser at a 10-foot geode.
Steve: I'll have Kurt do the talking.
Zack: Kurt is there but he is totally out of it right now on heroin. He has been riding the horse pretty hard since the Teenage Mutant Ninja Ghouls shredded his torso. He is also wearing bloody bandages under his flannel.
Steve: Alright, Left Eye will do the talking then. "What up, Courtney Love?"
In these contentious political times it is more important than ever to work together in a bipartisan way with the people who said I should be thrown out of a helicopter for being an Antifa terrorist.
This Halloween, log off and visit your friends at the local Halloween Superstore.
Better than expected, and absolute garbage
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.