The 2011 Fashion SWAT Hell-of-ween Scaretober Movie Monster Maelstrom

Dr. Thorpenstein: This one definitely stays true to its title. It's called The Thing, and there's totally a Thing featured prominently throughout.

Zackula: I know, when it started I was a little disappointed to see a person and a place. I was thinking, "Where is the goddamn Thing?" But JC really delivered. And by JC I mean Jesus Christ.

Zackula: And by delivered I mean delivered us from sin.

Dr. Thorpenstein: Despite all the awesome special effects and stuff, it's kind of the opposite of Puppetmaster: when I think back on The Thing, it's not the Thing I remember, but Kurt Russell.

Zackula: I feel the same way about King of the Hill and Bobby Hill, who is not the titular king of the hill, but rather a scion of the Hill.

Dr. Thorpenstein: Kurt Russell may not be a Thing, but he's the film's most impressive special effect.

Zackula: If you want to see great Kurt Russell effects check out Soldier. It's a remake of Universal Soldier set on the garbage planet from Transformers.

Dr. Thorpenstein: I'm also big into Breakdown, in which Kurt Russell faces off against the hostile garbage planet of J.T. Walsh.

Zackula: If you want to see a spin off you can check out Almost Famous which features the Kurt Russell franchise's bellybutton to the admittedly rickety Goldie Hawn franchise.

Dr. Thorpenstein: Help, I'm stuck on the garbage planet of that joke!

Zackula: Oof, yeah, I don't think I can Escape From That Joke either.