Dream Girl Blackjack

Heather: Oh I just had a few too many hard lemonades at Kylie's party last summer and I hit a kid on his bike and was charged with vehicular manslaughter

Heather: I mean wtf was a 11 year old doing riding his bike at like midnight??? come on!

Auron86: omg

Heather: yeah, it sucked big time, they suspended my license and now I can't drive anywhere on my own. I've hated kids ever since.

Auron86: I guess so

Heather: so are you trying to seduce me Auron?

Auron86: u can call me brian

Auron86: and maybe ;P

Auron86: was that true about the kid?

Heather: Unfortunately it is true brian but I moved past it so forget that ancient history

Auron86: its okay we all make mistakes

Heather: Yeah, like filing my teeth

Auron86: what does that mean?

Heather: oh no big whoop y'all, I just filed my teeth down to points for a play I was in

Auron86: didn't that hurt?!?!

Heather: oh yeah a ton and it looks really scary right now if I smile but im gettin them capped

Auron86: do they get cavetes?

Heather: yeah, I got a really bad abscess in my jaw and had to go on anitbiotic and painkillers

Auron86: u ok now?

Heather: all better :D but i am addicted to painkillers now :(

Auron86: i done oxy before

Heather: yeah, it's a lot like oxy

Auron86: maybe we could hook up and do it together baby

Heather: I'd love that but fyi its morphine injections not oxy

Auron86: with a needle???

Heather: of course silly, like Sherlock Holmes

Auron86: maybe not then but you could still try out those skills from the broom handle ;D

Heather: lol you are so dirty, don't you worry about sin?

Auron86: baby im a sinner!!!

Auron86: i dont believe in the bible but if you do thats cool

Heather: I don't believe in Christianity but I am a dragon

Auron86: a dragon?

Heather: Oh yeah, y'all. I am a prismatic dragon from Tothor, an elder male named Surlakk.

Auron86: I thought you said you were a cheerleader

Heather: Definitely I am that too I am a changeling. I am connected to my dragon self by the crystal I wear around my neck and I can take the form of Surlakk when I need it.

Auron86: like do you pick when you change forms?

Heather: Usually, but if I feel like I'm in danger I sometimes change forms

Auron86: that is awesome

Heather: The last time I changed was when that bat bit me on my face

Auron86: lol what

Heather: Bat done got up in our attic and mom made me chase it out with the broom before it turned into an infestation

Auron86: did you get it?

Heather: yeah, I got it alright, right in the face! scratches and bites all over

Auron86: ouch :*(

Heather: hurt more when I realized I was coming down with a case of the rabies

Auron86: did the doctor give u a shot in ur cute butt?

Heather: no the thing with rabies is you got to just ride it out, I'm a couple days away from the worst of it

Auron86: uh well good luck

Heather: you know who jamie lee curtis is?

Auron86: yes

Heather: she's got this thing called testicular feminization and she looks just like a beautiful woman but she has testicles inside her

Heather: I have that same condition, but you can't tell or anything unless you palpate my perineum

******Auron86 has disconnected

Heather: but she's so beautiful!

Heather: didn't you see True Lies?

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)