Fire From Below

Hydrogen: "Wuss Talk", with Todd Hairpiece and the Action 5 Fake CGI News Studio Team. Guaranteed to utterly kowtow to whatever pompous windbag they're interviewing, and ask the softball questions that nobody cares about.

Trillaphon: Their investigative reporting is top-notch, too, what a riveting expose. "Forest fires: international terrorism against our proud American trees, or divine judgment brought down upon us by a vengeful Nature god? We have no idea!"

Hydrogen: "Mr. Drake, Mr. Drake! How do you respond to allegations that your multi-million dollar corporate headquarters is actually a crappy green screen?"

Trillaphon: "I have no comment on that, but let me take this opportunity to ask the American public to please contribute some money to us, the giant for-profit conglomerate that caused this natural disaster. Operators are standing by for your calls - every penny helps. Me, personally, to feel better about the size of my penis."

Trillaphon: "Also, all of you journalists are a bunch of lying, conniving pieces of shit, and my personal mission in life is to sue you all into oblivion and make sure that your families end up as collateral damage from my incredibly profitable Earth-raping mining operations. No offense, though."

Hydrogen: "I totally understand and respect your opinion about that, thanks for coming on the show Mr. Drake."

Trillaphon: Those helicopter shots remind me that the opening shot to Fire From Below is a helicopter shot which is somehow shakier than a coked-out espresso tester with Parkinson's shooting Cloverfield 2 through a moon bounce full of jello. How does that even happen? Did they just rent a helicopter and dangle the cameraman out the side by his feet?

Hydrogen: If you think they cheaped out on the helicopter shot, check this out:

Trillaphon: Return to Breakaway Lake.

Hydrogen: I can't decide which is better, the part where she falls through the fakest breakaway railing we've seen since Ghost Rock, or the part right before that where she says the gross rust-colored cesspool of hick swamp is "SOOooOOoo Romantic!"

Trillaphon: If only she'd been smart enough to do this instead (before the permanent funk of corpse water and Kevin Sorbo soaked into her clothes):

Hydrogen: I think this is our cue to run screaming from this movie and Kevin Sorbo's EXECUTIVE decisions.

– Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil (@trillaphon)