It has been decided in the convocation: sorghum is what you eat.
This pronouncement will overrule the previous pronouncements about the cricket protein, the goji berries, and the quinoa. You will tear down the placards of these accursed foods and populate the market with exciting slogans such as "Sorghum is the good food" or "Sorghum: the one thing you may eat now!" to entice you. The shop windows will be filled with beautiful advertisements for sorghum. The grocery store will let you scoop your own and fill a sack.
Sorghum is what is for dinner. Recipes of sorghum will be found online. Download these sorghum tips for your child who screams at the sorghum. Once they know, they will like sorghum. It is bitter and chalky and full of weevils but you will convince yourself that sorghum is the key to body healthy and sanitation. 100 trillion mice seething in a living carpet that rushes past your ankles cannot be wrong. It's like a power wash for your insides the hooded doctors agree.
Trucks will be by to collect and safely dispose of your chipotle mayo, your sriracha mayo, and all other proscribed mayonnaise. You may place no mayo upon the pure sorghum. You may place one dollop of mustard on the mealy grain. No salt, no sugar. This is the new way you eat.
The health benefits are incredible for sorghum. It reduces toxins and contains medieval nutrients, which are the most important nutrients now. It is an ancient grain and grows wild. You are helping to protect the environment. You are helping to destroy the evil inside your body.
Do you want your children to see their parent again? Then eat the sorghum. The past administration was founded upon lies. We have evidence locked in trunks to prove sorghum is correct. When you are ready, we will show you. But not yet.
For now, you eat sorghum.
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.