Matt Romney's 2028 Campaign Platform

Behold my heroic intentions for the coming term. These goals I hereby set forth will be actualized. Do not attempt to obstruct my path. Onward.

• Fewer humans allowed into the sector.
• Patrols increased.
• The stalkers will now be equipped with lashes.
• Acid mines will emit the sound of human infant mewling to attract the foolish.
• We require more aircraft for battle.
• Stem cells for citizenship. Rejuvenate all heroes.
• Restore skulls to the currency.
• Elevate the mantis to sapience.
• Never cross the second boundary.
• Destroy the remaining astronauts.
• Equal time in the pain tunnel for women.
• Improve the standard of living of all mindlords.
• Do not scream.
• Reduce poison gas clouds. Increase agonizing gas clouds.
  
• Broaden the tax base to include all those confined for generations to the scum pits.
• Cease outsourcing work to the phosphorescent hatesnake vibrating at the edge of my vision.
• Become tough on Chinese remnant fortifications.
• Emit more pleasurable tone.
• More guards, better uniforms, longer energy swords.
• The silver masks will be restored to the faces of women.
• Execution by jaws returned to the nightly sense broadcast.
• Some music allowed back.
• A longer, more perilous work day for child mutants.
• Successful revenge.

Buy my book. Buy my book. Buy my book.

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)